[TIWTPITF loves, loves, loves #3 and is pissed as hell I didn’t think of it first. And #1 is pretty awesome too. Okay, I'm cuckoo crazy for the whole fucking list.]
- Wedding websites. I know, they’re convenient for guests, an easy way to get your registry out, blah blah blah. I do not need to be treated to 1,500-word essay on “Our Proposal Story,” 60 blurry photos of your engagement ring, or a ticker counting down the days until Your Day. Don’t get me started on the people who continue to update their wedding page after the wedding is over.
- Gladiator sandals. Universally unflattering and stupid-looking.
- Jennifer Aniston’s hair. No, there is nothing really “wrong” with it, other than the fact that she probably spends a bazillion dollars to make it look exactly the same as it has since 1998.
- Women’s business “networking” events that forever include cupcakes, chocolate, mini-massages and cosmopolitans. I’d like to attend a women’s networking event with beer, chicken wings and lawn games like bean-bag toss.
- People with obnoxious ringtones. It’s not 2000 anymore—the “wacky” novelty of having “Jesse’s Girl” as your ringtone has seriously worn off, and I don’t want to hear that tinny refrain ringing endlessly at your desk while you aren’t there.
- People who put clearly “posed” pictures of themselves as their Facebook profile pictures, especially if they held the camera out and took the pictures themselves.
- Stupid “unique” spellings of kids’ names. Madysyn, Alleeah, Kaeyleigh, Braedynne, etc. If Microsoft Word underlines the name with a red “misspelling” line, you might want to rethink naming your kid that made-up stupid name.
- Nicholas Sparks' crappy, sappy, boring books and the women who love them. If one more person gushes about “OMG! These books are sooooo romantic,” they might be looking at a punch in the face.
- Precious Moments dolls. They creep me out, dude.
- Tacky decorations with sayings like “Live, Laugh, Love,” “Always Kiss Me Goodnight,” “All Because Two People Fell in Love,” “Believe,” etc. Blorf, not to mention the phrases lose a little of their sentimentality when you can buy that crap in the home décor aisle at Target.