Saturday, April 10, 2010

Greg's punch list

  1. Bad sushi. If I’m gonna learn to say “Gochisoo Sama Deshita”, you WILL serve me a proper piece of fish, crustacean, or poultry. VALUE PROPOSITION: I will pay handsomely, if you will perform. Most get it, some don’t. For them, I serve sandwiches. Medium sized. Knuckle.
  2. Apple haters. You can buy whatever you want…I just firmly belive that Life is too short for crap computers. That’s IMHO, WADR. Get obnoxious about it, and we can go.
  3. Political categorizers. I am the most Bleeding Heart NeoCon or your most Conservatively Liberal, as need be and as issues dictate. Flip a coin... Same odds. Put me in one box. Fuhgeddaboudit.
  4. Violating laws of physics. There are things that just CAN’T happen... So don’t include them in your stories, or we’ll have to start filming you. To prove you’re not making things up. Or you could take the shot...
  5. Tiger coverage. The guy plays GOLF. He cheated on his absolutely GORGEOUS wife. Now he still plays golf…Well-ish. And now WHAT? Jim Carrey rushing to his defense? Gimme a break…Enough already. I REALLY don’t want/need any more than I already know. Which is, BTW, too much.
  6. Shady mine operators (worldwide). It’s not just WV, folks…We’re just not better at it than the rest of the world... And that’s saying something. Mostly means a little more training and a little less profit. Seems like a fair trade. Or you can keep the profits while 29 of us get to come by and lay one on ya.
  7. Phone while driving, without a hands free. I know. I know…Glass houses. Thrown stones. But here’s the thing. Your phone HAS a speaker capability. Do that and take it off your ear. Or stand by for a sock. That’s what I do after the call connects. And I hate punching myself.
  8. Paper. Make no mistake…I love a good book, and a nice piece of stationery still looks bitchin’. But For the rest of it? News flash: it’s 2010…You don’t NEED to print that 300pg doc to carry with ya. I don’t care if you use the back for note taking. It’s bad for your back to carry it, and you’re gonna have the laptop with you ANYWAY. A poke at you is a swing in defense of some trees. Yep... I’m in.
  9. Mumbling. If it’s worth saying, say it audibly. Puhlease. I can put up with a lot of punkery, thrashitude, ink, piercings, whatever. As long as you speak up and answer questions asked of you. With complete honesty would be a super bonus but I am a realist.A solidly told lie makes for a very good spy. But mumbles…Get people punched.
  10. Priority Problems. Folks, make no mistake…I’m no fan of people being uninsured in America. It’s true…It is “not right” given who we are and what we stand for. But honestly, I do believe a lot more people are dying early because of bad diet than a host of ill-reputed things including industrial waste and violent crimes. Why don’t we worry about our OWN, individual, personal health as a national priority too. If I gotta pay for your health care AND mine, you oughta at least do your part to minimize BOTH of our costs. Something at least…Please. Don’t make me do it.


Sweetest Petula said...

"stand by for a sock" is my newest favorite phrase. I hope it catches on.

DaddyGregor said...

Outstanding Petula... been using it for years, and it does me right all the time.