- People who think “slower traffic keep right” doesn’t apply to them (they’re also likely to sport “Don’t Tailgate!” bumper stickers).
- People in checkout lanes who wait till the total is rung up, THEN start looking for their checkbooks, because even though they were in line for 15 minutes, they didn’t know the date, the name of the store, their own name, or even that they’d actually have to pay, until that total appeared. And then they fill out and balance the check register before they start writing the check.
- Cell phones, especially in restaurants. And theaters. And in line at the post office. And anywhere else that others are unwilling captive audiences to half a fatuous conversation. Extra punches for those idiots who use the speakerphone in these circumstances.
- Drivers too damn lazy to use their turn signals. Hell-O, is your finger broken?
- Those who wear enough cologne to knock the birds off the wires a half-block downwind. Extra punches for food servers who do this.
- People who insist on leaving an empty car-length or two ahead of them at stoplights. Never mind the folks behind you who are really hoping to get into that left-turn lane on this signal cycle.
- “Customer service” reps at utilities who insist on verifying your name, address, mother’s maiden name, social security number, account number and ZIP code when you call to say that the lights are out for eight blocks in every direction.
- Anyone over the age of three who can’t eat without making smacky, slurpy noises.
- “Rewards” cards. “Do you have a [store] rewards card?” “[searches at length] Yes, but I don’t have it with me.” “What’s your phone number, please?” “[phone number]” “I’m sorry, that doesn’t come up. Do you have another number?” [repeat for six phone numbers, without success] “Would you like to fill out an application for a new card?” “Okay, sure.” [fills out application as those waiting in line, seethe]