Charlynn's punch list

1. Senior citizen drivers. If they have a Buick or a Cadillac, they drive waaaaaay tooooo slooooooow. Signaling may be optional, so don't be surprised if you come to a complete stop when they decide to turn and you don't know WTF is going on. If it's a little old lady behind the wheel of a sporty car, look out! She will drive 80 in a 30 MPH zone and change lanes as if no one else is on the road. Who knows, she may not really know you are there.
2. Parents who think their kid is the best thing on the planet. Pride in your child is one thing, but bragging about every little detail of your child's life bores the rest of us. The truth is, everybody (children included) do a few cool things in their lives while the rest of what we do is average, mundane crap. If we don't ask how little Johnny or Jane is doing, then please don't narrate his/her life story as if it's making headlines in the New York Times. The fact that you gave life to your child does not elevate its status. Your child—and you—are probably just as average as the rest of us, so STFU. Your offspring are not the greatest things that ever lived.
3. The people that subject their poor animal companions to dog and cat shows. Need I really explain this? If you're really clueless, watch Best In Show. Then you'll understand.
4. On similar lines, parents who enter their children into pageants because *they* want to see their little darling onstage, not because the kid actually wants to be there.
5. Self-righteous jackoffs who think they know everything.
6. People whose lives are so devoid of substance that they read People magazine and live vicariously through the lives of their favorite celebs.
7. Diet talk, especially—but not limited to—women. Despite our country's dysfunctional attitudes toward what constitutes health, I'll let you in on a little secret: The number on the scale isn't a measure of your self-worth. Please stop fantasizing about how perfect your life will suddenly become when you lose a few pounds…and dammit, stop talking about how fat you are!
8. Comedians who really aren't funny.
9. Flaky people who can't follow through on any commitment, ever.
10. Gum-smackers. Please see my rant here: http://ohtheprofanity.com/?p=304

(photo: mygloss.com)