Friday, April 10, 2009

Peeps

In honor of Good Friday, I thought I’d smack down the most loathsome of Easter candy: Peeps. (Tunafish casserole placed a close second as a TIWTPITF today.)

When used in an art project, I can stomach the Peep (I particularly love Wynn Rankin’s Hobo Peep, above). As a tasty treat, not so much. I once dated a dude who left his Peeps out for months so the outside would get really crusty. Then he’d go at them, snapping off the brittle head and working his way down. (Draw your own conclusions about our short-lived relationship.) When I was a little girl down on the farm, I didn’t fancy watching a chicken with its head cut off. Looking at the headless Peep, however, I am filled with a sick satisfaction. These marshmassholes deserve a slow and painful death.

Peeps are too effing sweet, and I’m not just talking about taste. Their pleasingly plump shape is all style and no substance. Pop one down the hatch and instead of a taste explosion, you get the food equivalent of the limp handshake.

This fox wants to slink into the henhouse and lay waste to these yambags. I don’t want to eat them or create a diorama or art installation out of their treacly little bodies. Nope, I want to bust out a flamethrower, torch the whole cloying coop, and give new meaning to Kentucky Fried Chicken.

KFC, now that’s what I’m talking about. If only I could eat meat today…

(On the flip side, I can’t wait for the Cadbury Eggs to go on sale Monday. Mmm, fondant yolk.)

Check out this Peeptacular contest the Seattle Times ran a couple of years ago.

(photo: Wynn Rankin)

14 comments:

DaddyGregor said...

Marshmassholes? I love it. And it gets me thinking...

In honor of your rant, I am going to engage my creative side in a special project... kind of a performance art project, if you will.

I suspect it has been done already, but the peeps are going to be special guests at my post Easter Egg Hunt bonfire. The script is written, the wood is stacked, and the video camera is all charged up.

Stay tuned for full coverage... on my FB page, and meanwhile have a Creme Egg or six for me. L-O-V-E them...

Tommy said...

OK. I'm puzzled by this rant.

Usually, it's about things you *want* to punch in the face. But, with Peeps, can't you just go ahead and punch some in the face instead of ranting about doing it?

Plus, I love Peeps.

Julia said...

I hate peeps. I don't think I ever put them in my girls' Easter baskets. If I did I'm apologizing now. Just found your blog. It's great.

Anonymous said...

What I find rediculous about these worthless tihngs is that now they are not only pushed on the public at Easter. They have Halloween peeps, Christmas peeps, etc. I have never purchased one for my kid and I am glad to hear that I am not alone in my complete hatred for these things.

Sewfast said...

I'm with you on the Cadbury Eggs...those are the only ones I'll get off the couch to search for! And Peeps? Disgusting! A friend at work loves them and found some chocolate covered peeps...a waste of chocolate in my opinion!

DG Strong said...

Feel free to punch me in the face because no, Peeps are awesome. I like to float one in a glass of champagne while celebrating the resurrection of the baby Jesus.

cotorra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cotorra said...

the only thing worse than peeps are those
freaking circus peanuts.
who invented those shitty things anyway?

Caroline said...

I love Peeps, but I respect all points of view regarding Easter candy. Also, I love Cadbury Mini Eggs more.

Austin said...

Peeps may not be good eats, but as the Seattle Times pointed out they do make good art supplies. See this contest from the WaPo: http://www.washingtonpost.com/peeps

Wynn said...

Long live hobo peep!

Heather - CROQZine.com - Dollarstorecrafts.com said...

Mm, Cadbury Eggs... I just hid in the laundry room and ate one just the other night.

Ashley said...

I LOVE sweets. LOVE LOVE LOVE. But the Peep is a total malfunction. Sort of like candy corn. A holiday candy made in bulk probably once every five years. Left overs from the monster batch are probably stored in a damp warehouse for the next season. Slowly growing mold, waiting to be shipped out next year to unsuspecting shoppers. Enjoy your Peep, it was probably made in 2005...

Stale little monsters.

Anonymous said...

Peeps are sooper-dooper, to paraphrase Kliban's cat "Love them Peeps, Peeps is what I love to eat, bite they little heads off, nibble on they tiny feet"