After suffering through planes, trains, and automobiles for nigh on a week, I’ve had it with all the greedy fucks who ooze over several seats. At the airport, businessmen ignore the masses at the jam-packed gate and set up shop with their computer and carry-on to one side, meal to the other, and cords snaking out and plugging up all the available outlets.
On the bus, selfish hosebeasts sit on the aisle, cock blocking the empty window seat next to them by dumping a backpack on it, or simply ignoring my presence behind sun-blocking shades.
When my friend and I scrambled onto the Amtrak regional train bound for New York, we found ourselves in a free-for-all of epic proportions while trying to score two seats together. This might have been easier had the asswipes not come out in force, draping themselves over two seats and feigning sleep.
Move your fat faker ass, and your little dog too!
If you insist on being a waste of space, I’m afraid I have no choice but to assume the seat of power and hand your ass to you on a silver platter. You'll feel the earth move under your feet as I herd you to a standing-room only area for the duration of your trip. If you covet your neighbor's seat again, I'm going to gather up your belongings, pile them in your lap, and wrap you in yellow "POLICE—DO NOT CROSS" tape. That should contain you nicely while I punch your greedy gob. Awake now? No? Then you won't feel it when I smother you with your travel pillow.