I waited almost thirty years to see Anakin get his Vader on. Instead, I was subjected to Christensen’s whiney little bitch with bad hair and a slightly congested voice. If being jealous and misguided were enough to turn someone to the Dark Side, we’d all be lousy with the Force.
Anakin wasn’t supposed to be Emo, he was supposed to be fucking E-V-I-L. Slink off to Tatooine, keep a dream journal, front a band, stop washing your hair. Torture the Republic with your music if you have to, but get over yourself, Little Orphan Ani. You’re no more than Chancellor Palpatine’s butt boy
The only satisfying thing about Revenge of the Sith was seeing you lying there without arms or legs as the magma inched closer. Since the lava flow and Obi-Wan didn’t quite finish you off, you pissy wet noodle with light saber envy, let me inflict some additional pain in exchange for the 140-minutes of cinematic torture I endured. Let the Death Star that is my fist rain fury on your respirator, and may the Force be with me.