Wednesday, April 15, 2009

TYPING E-MAILS IN ALL CAPS

When you rip off an e-mail to me using only capital letters, I reckon that you’re pissed, lazy, or both. You’re pretty much passive-aggressively shouting at me. I’m certainly screaming inside my head reading your rant.

STOP IT.

I’M NOT KIDDING. CUT IT THE FUCK OUT.

I’m a big believer in proper grammar and punctuation, and I feel there's a perfect word or phrase to express a thought or feeling. You don’t need to resort to all caps to get your point across. I GET IT!

I also get that you’re a monster A-hole who's in serious need of an etiquette class. I don’t care that you’re rushed, I don’t want to hear that your pinkies can’t operate the shift key properly, and I really don’t give a shit that your shit is irked. If you want to communicate with me, I’d better see some ascenders and descenders coming at me through my in-box. If there’s no x-height to be found, you can bet money that I’m going to seriously font you up and put a cap in your ass, where it belongs.

(photo: flickr.com/photos/deepfriedkudzu)

9 comments:

mduette said...

Hilarious. 'Cap in your ass', indeed. I dunno about the other, though. I've been fonted up before and I kinda liked it.

Tommy said...

GOOD POST!

Caroline said...

MY ACCOUNT WROTE MY TAX PREPARATION WORKSHEETS AND MEMOS IN ALL CAPS AND IT REALLY MAKES TAX DAY THAT MUCH MORE PLEASANT!!!

Cameron said...

what about the mopey no caps people who also refuse to punctuate anything are they the truly lazy ones or are they summoning the spirit of ee cummings i don't know

KlevaBich said...

THANK YOU! I know a couple of people who send out emails in all caps, and next time I receive one I'll be forwarding this post.

I agree with Cameron, too. I know a *bunch* of people who never capitalize anything and that drives me batshit insane as well.

Thank you so much for starting this blog -- it is often the highlight of my day!

bigmamacass said...

I am the WORST grammar/punctuation offender EVER! (had to go caps there for ya, teehee)

But I completely understand. Those emails are the WORST!

Be one with the Fro said...

WOW...you are the best hahahaha I agree though. I hate when people text me in all caps as well...I just want to slap a bitch.

Sewfast said...

Amen.

Chris said...

oh, I wish Anonymous had commented on this. I so look forward to it. I wonder if Anonymous has a blog? Maybe there's some contact information for Anonymous? Shirley Anonymous wants to be contacted, right? And get credit for Anonymous's briliant remarx allatime? Since Anonymous reads all your stuff s/he hates?

oh. my comment.... well.
i wish we could all type without capitals. i'm sick of shifting all the goddam motherfucking time.