Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sweeping around me while I’m eating

I admit it. I hit McDonalds and other fast-food restaurants with some regularity. The frequency rises when I’m traveling. Truth is, I love me some greasy vittles. But nothing ruins a meal in a bag quite like an employee who suddenly decides to make himself useful right at the moment I’m dipping my fry into a ketchup pond or biting into a Big Mac.

He begins by sweeping the floor a few feet away, moving closer and closer to me and my grub. A shark in a grimy visor, he circles me, kicking up dust, airborne viruses, and God knows what into my nose, my gob, and most importantly, my food.

Excuse me, annoyee of the month, could you perhaps wait until I leave? Could you sweep over there by the empty booths?

If not, I’m going to have it my way. I’m going to flip your broom and shove the handle up your bum, turning you into a mystery-meat puppet who I can point in the direction of the deep-fat fryer so you can fetch me a chicken pot pie, or at least a fresh order of fries. Hold the dust.

(photo: blog.myspace.com/17529263)

10 comments:

mduette said...

"Annoyee of the month."
You're officially my hero :)

Tommy said...

Worse is when they decide to clean the table next to you. Did they think their cleaning spray would magically confine itself to just that table?

Why yes, I'd love some ammonia and freshly cracked pepper!

Chris said...

Well, I admit that when they gravitate toward me, I want to kill them, but I do so prefer a clean place.

Some people are at the bottom of the food chain and just don't notice you're sitting there. I've seen other workers avoid the eaters' areas when they are sweeping.

Actually, you titled this, 'sweeping around me', so, now that I've sorted that out, I say: YAH! FUCK THEM!! THOSE BASTADS!!

I probably shouldn't comment until my afternoon coffee.

Anonymous said...

They deserve a "sweeping" punch in the face!! Or maybe I should punch myself for writing bad puns.

Pixie said...

I think that sweeping in a place where folks are eating is actually some sort of health violation...not to mention just plain friggin' rude!

Anonymous said...

Yeah I agree with Chris, they are on the bottom of the food chain, and especially at McDs they are often mentally challenged. So I would just ignore it, and if you are very bothered by it, just don't eat inside.

ck said...

First of all, I LOVE the title of your blog. Second, it's almost excusable if he's wearing that hat. Almost.

TBA said...

OK can I add "Spraying the Fucking Table Next To Me with Some Caustic Shit" while I'm trying to eat the food I'm about to pay too much for, as another something that deserves a good punch in the face? If I'm sitting there enjoying a $12 hamburger - that's cow and bun and a vegetable: $12 - and you come to the next table and spray that stuff, you especially deserve a punch in the face if you spray it THREE OR FOUR TIMES - spitch! Spitch! Spitch! Spitch! and almost spray ME and that terrible cleaner-smell wafts up and covers the scent of my burger. If you spray then start sweeping, well, you get more than a punch in the face, you get your ass kicked, is what you get.

TBA said...

Wait, Tommy already said that. Doh!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes the employees aren't to blame. Once in a while some dipshit manager will actually tell them, no clean over THERE, where there are people because they already cleaned the empty booths, apparently, and somehow there's nothing else for these workers to do in the meantime. Seen it happen.