Thursday, April 15, 2010

Stephanie’s punch list

  1. People who make plans and then cancel them at the last moment without a really good reason. "My kid is projectile vomiting and school sent him home," is a good reason. "I know you rearranged your whole schedule to meet with me, but it turns out that there's a Very Special Episode of Blossom and I don't want to miss it," is most definitely not.
  2. People who talk about everything they're eating/working out on Facebook. It's GREAT that you're getting your fat ass in shape (and I say this as a fatass trying to get in shape), but I seriously don't care that, "Yoga class was, like, soooo soul cleansing today."
  3. I know everyone has already said it, but slow drivers in the fast lane deserve to be punched. But also, if I am driving cautiously IN THE RIGHT LANE because it's raining or something, get off my ass.
  4. People who don't share the arm rest at concerts and on planes.
  5. People who are practically strangers who ask me why I am in my mid-30s and don't have kids. First of all, none of your business. Second of all, I'm infertile, and thanks for bringing THAT up again. Third, I don't like kids enough to mortgage my house to have fertility treatments. And fourth, shut up before I punch you.
  6. Grammar crimes. All of them.
  7. People who ask for directions at the toll booth and chat for five minutes while the people behind them have to sit there and wait to pay the damn toll. Get a GPS. Or a map.
  8. People who are marinated in perfume. Also, nasty perfume used to cover up nasty smells, such as Eau du Rose et Cigarette. Spraying country apple cinnamon air freshener to cover a stinky poop does NOT help, either.
  9. People who try to preach their religion to me, especially if it involves knocking on my door at 8:00 AM.
  10. Spam and telemarketers on my cell phone.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

#5, THANK YOU! My grandma is infamous for this - "when are you going to make me a great-grandma?" Yeah, no luck in the last 3 and a half years, but now since you've asked us AGAIN, maybe this time it will work!