Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Andrea's punch list

  1. People who supported Obama and are now pissed because they blinked and nothing changed. Change takes time, you asshats.
  2. Motorists that don't look before they change lanes. HELLO! A blinker does NOT give you the right of way! This is important because…
  3. Motorists who don't share the road with motorcyclists. They are small, loud, and can sneak up on you and car vs. motorcycle is not an accident I want to witness.
  4. People who drive under the influence. Stay home if you want to be drunk or high. Just ask the 4 of the 9 motorcyclists that were hit by the man driving the dump drunk while he was high on meth who died. Oh wait…
  5. My mother-in-law. Seriously. It's my child, not yours so STFU. Not everything in life is worse for you, more interesting for you, or revolves around you. AND NO, I don't want to come visit you this summer! I am counting the days until you leave for five glorious months because you are a…
  6. SNOW BIRD. Unless you live in a super warm state, like Arizona, this concept is probably lost on you, so let me explain. It's the super old people who are too rich to live in extreme weather. They live in nice, climate-controlled Arizona in the winter to avoid snow and below-zero temperatures, but as soon as the thermostat starts to creep up in the 90s, BAM! They are gone! Usually by the 5th of May they are back East or North, or somewhere where it is not so damn hot. They are old, drive slow, vote republican, and mess up our tourist season. Seriously, summers are SLOW here.
  7. Spit up. I can't wait until my kid is done. Yuck.
  8. People who have more than three kids. Seriously. I can't have you over for dinner because I can't AFFORD to feed your brood. This goes double for my cousin who felt it was necessary to have fiveboys who are now teenagers. BIG FAT ONES who will eat you out of house and home in a few hours. Stay home for your holidays, thanks.
  9. Crane flies. They look like HUGE mosquitoes but they are not and they are too huge to bat with your hands, resulting in my running away with my arms over my head looking like a complete jackass.
  10. People who don't update their blogs. Why have one if it has been months since you have posted anything? Now I am forced to unfollow.
(photo: fcps.edu)


lala said...

Your list gave me the best laugh I have had all day - thanks.

Anonymous said...

Awww, don't worry about the crane flies. They don't bite (couldn't if they wanted to) and are more scared of you than you are of them. Yes, it's true. They're just like butterflies, only not as overtly pretty.