Thursday, June 4, 2009

Punch Bowl Winners' Circle: Bluetooth megalomaniacs

Bluetooth. Sure, I admit I was impressed when I first saw these hands-free devices. Better technology...Easier communication…Reduced risks…What’s not to like?

Well, the Bluetruth is that there is, indeed, something not to like. Bluetooth Megalomania. Hello? Can you hear me now? How ’bout now?

I’m calling you out—yes, you…all of you phone-ies whose hands-free devices have become permanently affixed to your big heads. Yes, that’s right—I’m talking to you, you Bluetooth Megalomaniacs. You, who think that you are so important that you must be hands-free but you cannot be Bluetooth-free. Ever.

Are you so very important that you cannot remove these devices during dinner? In church? At your grandma’s house? Who is calling you anyway?

Well, I’m calling you now. And you might want to hands-free dial 9-1-1 on your other line because I’m about to slap you upside that Bluetooth-wearin’ big head of yours. I just hope that my fist has a good connection because I’m planning to drop you like a cell-phone call.

And don’t call us…we’ll call you.

—Dave Reynen, Sacramento, CA



Chris said...

I was SO toying with writing a cell phone rant rather than the fast lane rant, and this Bluetooth crap is even MORE annoying! I don't even SPEAK to someone if they have a Bluetooth in. Apparently, they'd prefer a call. They're not getting one from me!

scottywa said...

I refer to these people as 'Doucheborgs'.