Monday, May 18, 2009

Peach schnapps

Setting: Triangle Fraternity, somewhere in Michigan, sometime in the 80s…

Enter a brainy co-ed, wearing a peach-colored shirt from Contempo Casuals and that awesome pair of Guess jeans with the zippers at the ankles. You know what I’m talking about.

Well, the brainiac wasn’t so smart that particular night, as she was also packing a pint of peach schnapps. Even though the engineering fraternity usually had an open bar at its parties, it was sometimes inconvenient to interrupt a heated game of 8-ball or Twister to get a fresh fuzzy navel. So she brought her own, alternately taking swigs and reapplying her frosty Clinique lipstick, the one she got as a gift with purchase.

You know what happened next.

Wildly drunk, she had the walking spins, was flirting madly, bent down to pick up something and accidentally got kneed in the eye, yacked, and mercifully, finally passed out after Maria or someone got her back to South Quad.

The next day was not pretty, and not only because of her black eye.

To this day, the less-than-brainy graduate can suss out that treacly syrup in any punch (Jared’s new year’s concoction, to be precise) or cocktail. Just a soupçon of that peachish smell brings on da acid reflux, brings on da funk. During a brief stint at The Body Shop, she was immediately nauseated whenever someone dabbed the decay-scented oil on the wrist.

What's the deal with fruit-scented stuff that doesn’t actually smell or taste remotely like the real thing? Peach schnapps gives peach a bad rap. This will not do. It’s time to defend the honor of stone fruit everywhere and punch the evil that is peach schnapps in the schnoz. Better yet, I'm going to pour it into a vat near Fraternity Row, set it on fire, and let co-eds get that warm, fuzzy feeling without the threat of puking.

What booze has your body rejected?

(photo: andygreenwell.com/big%20pix-all/peach_schnapps.jpg)

15 comments:

Wanda said...

How about Butterscotch Schnapps?? My sister and her roommates spilled a whole bottle on the floor and didnt' tell me until after I fell asleep in the same spot....that smell makes me want to lose my crackers every time.

BeeBee said...

Whiskey - Kentucky Derby End zone - 1981 - halter top - 4 hour drive to Knoxville in a VW van. 'Nuff said. akkk.
Oh, and anything banana flavored.

Anonymous said...

A whiff of Southern Comfort can take me out. I had "a bad experience" my freshman year of college with 100 proof SoCo. (As if I was such an experienced drinker that I needed the 100 proof, 'cuz just the regular ol' 80 wouldn't do.)
The highlight of the SoCo night was passing out in a bathroom stall at a hockey game, after retching my intestines out. I am pretty sure the folks that waiting in line for the bathroom were impressed. Oh yeah, and the game was televised and my brother, watching the game at a bar elsewhere, caught a glimpse of me on TV as I staggered into the arena.
Yes, I am a classy lady.

Annie said...

The Washington Apple. Our state clearly needs a new drink. Apple Pucker (which I would definitely punch in the face) + cranberry juice + whiskey = disaster.

akgw7402 said...

Teenaged Rednecks in a field with a case of Everclear. Girls in all of their tube toped glory and wanna be cowboys. We soaked every melon in site with the stuff plus we drank it straight up. That and bananas, yuck!

Michaela said...

I am still recovering from the Tequila Sunrise I smacked into circa 1981

Jennifer Worick said...

Did your mouth accidentally bump into it? Was that about the time the movie with Kurt Russell and Mel Gibson came out?

Anonymous said...

Ha! I see you figured out how to post comments on your own blog!

I have to agree with the hockey fan and go with SoCo. In hindsight, it was not such a brilliant idea to do 21 shots of it with a couple of classmates who were also celebrating their 21st birthdays. To this day, just a whiff of it makes me nauseous!

Anonymous said...

Due to the exquisite description, I almost feel like I was there. Was I there?????

Jennifer Worick said...

Could be. Who are you?

Chris said...

Well, my body has never rejected a booze. No, seriously. You expected me to follow that up with, 'because i don't drink booze'. HaAAHAHAAA!!!

just line up the vodka martini, tequila sunrise, brandy alexander, black russian, and the Mexican shooter. watch the magic!

Karen said...

It was the almighty Tequila that did me in -- it should be renamed T-KILL-YA because it nearly did. Of course downing two bottles over an hour in a chugging contest may have had something to do with it! Brain cells were obviously non-existent before the incident so no harm done!! ROFLOL!!

noraolsen said...

Gin. Party with a bunch of 15 year old girls that thought a night of Pink Panties (cheap gin with pink lemonade) was a good idea. Um, no. Haven't gathered the courage to try it again. Maybe someday, but without the pink lemonade.

Anonymous said...

Vodka. Used to like Sea Breezes (vodka, grapefruit juice and cranberry juice) til I attended a college party (what other kind?) where the guys mixing the drinks eventually were handing me a cup of vodka with just enough juice to give it a faint tinge of color. Not that I really noticed by the time they were that strong. (friends told me later) Not sure how many I had but boy was I ill the next day and still didn't feel the best the day after. Probably lucky I didn't kack of alcohol poisoning.

KitschKrafts said...

Strawberry Boone's Farm. 'Nuff said.