Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Comfort shoes

We’ve put a man on the moon, created fabrics with UV protection. We’ve cloned a camel, for crying out loud. So I’m frankly puzzled as to why cushioned and supportive shoes invariably give you Frankenfeet. Bouncing along in personal flotation devices, you might feel fantastic but you look like you’ve been in a car accident, what with those casts encasing your hooves and all.

Dansko, Birkenstock, Clarks, Easy Spirit, earth shoes, and, ugh, Crocs—y’all are the red-headed stepchildren in my shoe wardrobe. You’re part of the foot family but should remain out of sight if you know what’s good for you. Soles are bulbous, footbeds stanky, and uppers rounded, wide, and clunky. Sensible with a side of suck, these travesties manage to look like clown shoes while simultaneously announcing that you’ve just given up.

If your designers can’t cook up a sleek approach to comfort and cushioning soon, I’m going to dig out my red Dansko clogs and inflict a bit of blunt force trauma. Did I just put my foot in your mouth?

(photo: thefashionpolice.net/shoes/)

10 comments:

KB said...

Hmm. Do Tevas get a pass on this?

Event Girl said...
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Event Girl said...
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Event Girl said...

the best is when anklet socks are paired with these culprits. yes, this includes tevas.

Austin said...

You'll have to pry my Clarks off my cold, dead feet.

Just Lurking said...

Oh how I love my Clarks! Especially my Privos. I'll take the punch for them! ;)

Agreed they are but a small step up from othopedic shoes, but hell, when I'm walking the dog I'm thinking comfort not fashion!

I want to punch in the face anyone attempting to walk a dog while teetering on 4 inch stilettos. They look oh so fashionable as they carefully squat down, and daintily attempt to scoop the poop. One tug from Fluffy and they are on their fashionista asses!

Bishop said...

OMG! You beat me to the punch on this one! I wanted to send you a post about this! I despise comfort shoes! Well played, my dear. Well played!

Elizabeth said...

I'd like to add my own personal punch-in-the-face:
people who use the phrase "red-headed stepchild". What's wrong with "albino half-brother" or "deaf baby sister"?

I'm with you on the shoes though.
Cheers.

Jennifer Worick said...

I've always loved "red-headed stepchild" but yours are much more offensive, and therefore better.

Comfort Shoes Alexandria said...

@Elizabeth: You are so damn right! I totally agree with you :)