Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Fruit cocktail

Riddle me this: What exactly is fruit cocktail? It’s not dessert, it’s not a side dish, it’s dumb in Jell-O, and it sure as shit ain’t a cocktail. I choked on this corn-syrupy slop growing up in the Midwest. It was thrown in weird concoctions that usually involved marshmallows.

It was served a lot in the school cafeteria. It was also thrown out a lot in the school cafeteria. It’s a staple of institutional food trays. The only thing that should be retired at rest homes and hospitals is this mystery “treat.”

You can dress it up, but it’s still a filler food. I’m kicking this crap outta the cupboard and onto the playground. I think it’s time to relive happier childhood memories. Kick the can, anyone?

(Photo: thegeminiweb.com/babyboomer?p=669)

7 comments:

Spa Scotta said...

hate, hate, hate. This is a cruel excuse for desert. Slimy grape anyone?

krissy knox said...

Oh, my yes, kick the can! I've NEVER been able to stomach the stuff, even as a bitty child! While other kids scarfed it down, especially coveting that nasty cherry, I wouldn't touch it. What is that sauce anyway, LOL? And those peaches are so mushy, you can't taste them. They have the consistency to make you gag. I know. I was once forced to eat the stuff. The cherry tasted medicinal, the grapes certainly didn't taste like grapes. If i HAD to eat something in there, it would be the pears. Although they did have the super slimey sauce on them, I could wash them off, and they contained a little of the fresh gritty texture of a pear, although they were still slightly mushy like the peaches that surrounded them in the bowl of "fruit cocktail!" Anyway, they weren't worth eating, bc I had to go to the trouble of washing the slime off to eat them. You get the picture, I didn't like this one, LOL.

krissy knox :)
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ck said...

ugh...ambrosia.

I thought I stripped my childhood memories of that hideous "dessert." The marshmallows always tricked me into thinking it would be delicious. And yet...

Anonymous said...

What is all this ranting about? Fruit cocktail is delicious! Just mix a can with a great big scoop of Miracle Whip...yum!

Chris said...

I think Anonymous may have touched on something...

Sam said...

I had a friend who hated fruit cocktail. She was convinced the syrup was actually drool. I don't think she was too far from the truth.

jennypurr said...

I love this stuff! I can drink the syrup ice cold. And the cherries- don't get me started.
*droool*

Then again, I also like Spam and the smell of gasoline.