Riddle me this: What exactly is fruit cocktail? It’s not dessert, it’s not a side dish, it’s dumb in Jell-O, and it sure as shit ain’t a cocktail. I choked on this corn-syrupy slop growing up in the Midwest. It was thrown in weird concoctions that usually involved marshmallows.
It was served a lot in the school cafeteria. It was also thrown out a lot in the school cafeteria. It’s a staple of institutional food trays. The only thing that should be retired at rest homes and hospitals is this mystery “treat.”
You can dress it up, but it’s still a filler food. I’m kicking this crap outta the cupboard and onto the playground. I think it’s time to relive happier childhood memories. Kick the can, anyone?