Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Middle initials

William F. Buckley, Johnny B. Goode, Howard K. Stern, Vivica A. Fox, Michael J. Fox, Alex P. Keaton, Craig T. Nelson, Donnie B. Douchebag, the list goes on…

Stephen Hawking doesn’t use his middle initial. Neither does Queen Elizabeth. You shouldn’t either. Heck, Buddha, Oprah, and Madonna can get away with just one name, you greedy son of a bitch.

I don’t have an issue with you having a middle name or initial; I have a problem with you using it. Like many actors (several who I mentioned above), William H. Macy added his out of necessity, since there was another Bill Macy registered with SAG. I get it. But if there’s no actual reason for busting out the middle initial, leave it where it belongs: on your birth certificate.

Jesus H. Christ, you are one pretentious fuck. Do you think one letter is going to be able to mask the fact that you’re lacking two other letters, namely “I” and “Q”? I think the only appropriate thing to do is to repurpose a passel of early learning alphabet books, Duct-tape them together, and beat you until you forget your name and we can start from scratch.

(photo: bestuff.com/stuff/alex-p-keaton)

17 comments:

CastNoShadow said...

QED

aphrodite_mine said...

Here's two letters for you: XD

KlevaBich said...

Here's what's worse - an initial placed FIRST in the name. F. Murray Abraham, P. Allen Smith, etc. You must really want to punch those bastards in the face!

DG Strong said...

But wait! I use both initials and only those! It doesn't make me pretentious....it makes me Southern!

Eveline said...

Michael J. Fox had to put that initial there because there was already an actor by the name Michael Fox. He used to play Saul in The Bold and the Beautiful. The J. isn't even his initial, but an homage to Michael J. Pollard.

Tommy said...

Ditto for Nelson. Goode is a song title. Keaton is, umm, fictional and it fits his character.

But feel free to punch Buckley all you want. (Fox might punch you back.)

Monkey said...

De-lurking to say I freaking love this blog. I get all excited when 'Punch in the Face (TIWTPITF? zowie!) pops up on the RSS. You know, I never knew there were so many things that I was angry about. I knew there were a lot, mind, but you've really opened my eyes. Thanks for the lulz, and keep on Punchin'.

Anonymous said...

Chicago was fortunate to have had Richard J. Daley, now we have Richard M. Daley...his name is emblazoned prominently on everything in the city that's bolted down!

Tez Miller said...

Ach, you know what's even more obnoxious than that? The initial/middle name/surname sequence. J. Edgar Hoover. F. Scott Fitzgerald. So freaking pretentious and annoying that I can't properly explain how much it pisses me off. But believe me, it does!

Anonymous said...

I read that Michael J. Fox's real middle initial is A., but he changed it to J. so that teen magazines wouldn't write, "Michael is A. Fox". How douchy is that?

Anonymous said...

Point taken.

Chris said...

Oh.

let

Jesus H. Christ, you are one pretentious fuck

be my epitaph.

Anonymous said...

Actually, Howard K. Stern gets a pass too, so as not to be confused with the talk show host.

Jennifer Worick said...

He might get a pass on the name but he's still a yambag.

Elsa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DocWilson said...

And this bothers you why . . . .?

George C. Scott and F. Murray Abraham won Oscars. Michael J. Fox won five Emmy Awards, four Golden Globes, and two Screen Actors Guild awards.

When you've won an award with whatever your name is, get back to us.

Amanda L. Phillips said...

I just read this... years later... inexplicably, in Katt Williams' voice.