Monday, June 1, 2009

Punch Bowl Winners' Circle: Recumbent bike guys

Hey! You! Gray-bearded guy with glasses on the recumbent bike. I see you. You don’t really need to wear that Body Glove circa 1980 neon yellow windbreaker. Or fly that dorky bright orange flag behind your seat. WE SEE YOU down there. Oh, and that rear-view mirror arm that’s attached to your helmet? That is one accessory YOU ACTUALLY NEED so that so you can see me drive up behind your ass and punch you in the face.

Dude. Why ya gotta be? What ARE you trying to prove? That you’re still an active, athletic man? Sure, you’re technically riding a bike WITH A BUILT-IN CHAIR but you look like you’re pedaling your grandson’s Big Wheel while real men BLOW by you on their road bikes. Sure, your Terra Tryke cost you $1000 but you look like a douche bag. And wear some deodorant, why dontcha? No one wants to smell your old-man decay.

Oh yeah, I see you next to my truck’s wheel well, pedaling furiously to prove yourself. Give it up recumbent bike guy; once you see my fist coming at you, your riding days are over!

This post comes from Lil. I particularly dug this post, as I live in Seattle and see these ponytailed eco-warriors clogging the lanes during rush hour.

(photo: 2blowhards.com)

56 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Yeah, Lil! Congrats on being the first to win the Punch Bowl. Your post proves you are out there jabbing at all the little annoyances. Thanks, Jen for sharing this. Look forward to more.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, just because you don`t have the gumption or drive to extract your fat ass off the couch and get some exercise, don`t try to get too feisty with the "dork" on the recumbent. He might just kick your ass before you can get your window all the way down.

Anonymous said...

Don't fuck with recumbent riders. Many of us are armed.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

More proof that even people without brains can have a blog.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Ok, some of your posts are funny if taken in the right spirit of fun. Poking fun at celebrities and people who are asking for it is one thing. Poking fun at stupid general habits people have, or trendy saying and cloths and such -- Yeah that is fair game. But when you turn loose on SPECIFICALLY IDENTIFIED PEOPLE like this, do you realize you come off not only as being stupid (since you are obviously completely ignorant, stereotypical and filled with assumptions about recumbent cyclists), but also you are inciting violence against people who are ALREADY VULNERABLE to BODILY HARM by idiots on the road like you?

moscom said...

Just for that, I'm going to go ride one my recumbent bikes and I think it'll be the Stratus XP. Long and very laid back chair and yes I have a beard and look dorky with my mirrors and a flag. I don't worry about the fist, the 10% pepper spray in your face will shut you and your truck down faster than a brick wall. Special Forces USAF retired.

Anonymous said...

Sweet Baby Jesus, some goddam girl wants to punch me. ooh! ooow! Please, stop before it hurts!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Hey people,
Lets remind ourselves that this is tongue-in-cheek humor that is not supposed to be taken too seriously.
Death threats are not welcome here, nor anyplace. If you don't like what you read, simply chose not to open this blog or read it. The choice is yours.

Anonymous said...

Wow. That's all I can say about the nasty posts above. You folks need to lighten the fuck up...

Anonymous said...

Seriously? Get a grip people...better yet get some perspective and a xanax.

Anonymous said...

Ya know. I passed around 60 yobbos like you today on my sleek, low carbon recumbent. I was doing 40-50 kph under my own power and they were doing exactly 0. I find it a strange hobby to be stuck on the road in your car in a big queue on a hot summer day, but hey. If it works for them. They got the timehonoured Top Gear Looser Salute. Here's one for you too: LOSER!

Anonymous said...

When you're young and healthy, it's easy to make fun of gray hair. Just wait. Your turn is coming. Bwha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!

Anonymous said...

What on earth are some of these posters thinking? If you do not find this (hilarious) blog to be funny, and are in possession of a sense of humor, why would you waste your time expressing (to excessive length) your ire with this content, your lack of connection to it, and your solutions to things that are not problems? This blog is meant to be funny- if you have a problem with it, that problem is yours. I do not know what the solution is to your problem but nasty and useless commentary is rarely transformational.
P.S. To whomever left the death threat--
Even if this deeply disturbing comment was left in jest, it was not funny and could never be funny, and I hope that you get some help.
P.S.S.I thought this post was funny (and I have many friends who are recumbent bikers) but I would like to point out that the author of this blog is NOT the author of this particular post.

Anonymous said...

,Hey Recumbent Biker Guy!
Chill, take a ride and get a neck massage.

Bishop said...

To all the recumbent bikers who take themselves too seriously: please get a life!

Anonymous said...

If you are driving your truck in rush hour traffic, you are part of the problem not part of the solution. I ride a recumbent for transportation and don't fit your grey bearded flagged stereotype though I do use a glasses mirror as I don't consider it safe to operate any vehicle on a public road without a rear view mirror and bicycles are vehicles. If you want to harass cyclists, get down on the cyclists who don't have mirrors and ride two or more abreast hogging the road.

Anonymous said...

You're making fun of recumbent riders, when you freely admit to knitting and making pine scented lotions?

Anonymous said...

Ok...as a rider, I didn't exactly find the comments on the recumbant biker guy exactly accurate, but jeepers to those of you who've made some pretty ridiculous comments in response. I tell you, the next thing I want to punch in the face is one of you! (Of course, also meant in fun, but I thought I'd make that comment obvious...)

Kevin said...

To the clearly humorless "recumbent biker rider" who actually had the delusional stupidity to post a death threat to my friend Jennifer on her blog, a place where many other people are freely expressing their views in A HUMOROUS and CREATIVE manner, where there should be NO fear of retribution or physical harm: I think you should probably get your ass to a shrink. The only reason I make the suggestion is because, well … it’s kinda patently obvious to everyone else here that you are, mentally, "off the reservation," as Sitting Bull might say. Do you realize you just publicly and anonymously threatened the life of an innocent person simply because you pedal your ass around town in the two-wheeled equivalent of a Barcalounger? Actually, never mind how STUPID you look on a recline-o-bike in public, let me ask you this: do you even UNDERSTAND the concept of free speech in this country? Ya know, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA? Better yet, have you ANY semblance of self-control in that regard? Do you have even the SLIGHTEST grip on reality when it comes to what is or isn’t a JOKE? Do you have any idea how creepy you’ve managed to come across to thousands of strangers who are privately LAUGHING at your own obvious insanity? Do you even have the first CLUE that some very smart individuals (some of whom are in law enforcement, I don’t doubt) are, as I type, putting a trace on your URL and figuring out ways to have you arrested for making DEATH THREATS?? I think it’s safe to say you have issues FAR LARGER than the inability to pedal a bike while sitting in an upright position, my friend. The fact that you’ve threatened a total stranger, IN PRINT, with physical harm/violence/death seriously makes me wonder WHY you'd chose something as innocuous as recumbent cycling to blow off steam, as opposed to something more WILD and EXCITING like, oh-I-dunno … SERIAL KILLING or MASS WORKPLACE MURDER SPREES, in all honesty. I mean, let's just stop mollycoddling your nitwit ass and call a spade a spade here: YOU’RE DERANGED. Either that, or you're like most people in this country when it comes to opinions on blogs. You know what I’m saying, right? No? Then let me tell you what you are. You’re an armchair coward who hides behind a keyboard because you don’t have the guts or the balls to speak them to the faces of those who would GLADLY say the same to your face, LIKE ME. But hey, if you ARE indeed the latter (then again, I doubt you even know what that word “latter” means), how about you grow an actual sack and do the right thing? You know ... POST YOUR REAL NAME AND REAL EMAIL ADDRESS. GO AHEAD. DO IT. That way, the rest of us can know who you are and address you PERSON TO PERSON. But ya know what? YOU WON'T. Ya know why? Because you’re a COWARD. You’re a CHILD. You're a FAT, LAZY, COWARDLY CHILD who probably sits at home in your mom’s basement, staring at a computer all day, trying to stir up trouble, looking to start some dumb shit, hoping to pick a fight with people who (on a good day) would knock your tiny little dick/twat in the dirt if you dared to try crossing their path on a public street. I utterly DESPISE people like you. I want to punch people like YOU in the face. I want to punch YOU in the face because you have the nerve to threaten to kill a friend of mine *(and their family) and yet you probably don’t even have the strength to do anything useful in this life but jerk off to free porn. You want to threaten someone? Then THREATEN ME TOO, you sick, twisted nitwit. Beyond that, drag a soggy dollar out of your Velcro wallet, shuffle down to the local bar and buy yourself a nice tall glass of SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP, since it’s patently obvious you can afford neither a spine nor a grip … you sideview-mirror helmeted, orange-flag flapping, lane-hogging douchebag.

Anonymous said...

Just a few words. You must be a redneck and drive a big truck.

Kevin said...

Actually, no. I live in NYC, went to an Ivy League school and, like most people in the Pacific Northwest who may be concerned about protecting the environment/stopping global warming, I walk to work and/or commute. It's a lot more fuel efficient and I don't have to worry about people wanting to smash me in the choppers for pedaling around on a two-wheeled lawnchair. But thanks for playing this round of "Jumping to the Wrong Conclusion." Pax vobiscum to you, Einstein.

Anonymous said...

Let me see if I can get this straight...somebody posts a rude and obnoxious screed about how they want to punch some cyclists in the face...so of course, members of the targeted group respond with their own vitriol...prompting supporters of the initial blogger to get all upset because people are posting threats of physical harm...like punching somebody in the face.

Whew. Y'all need to get a grip on yourselves.

RedorBlack said...

This reason recumbent riders (and most cyclists) don't find this funny, is that it's not a joke to many drivers.

The "joke" is reality to many of us... getting shouted at, run off the road, attacked, killed... haha?

Kill someone, do hard time, kill someone with a car... maybe get a $120 ticket.

Want funny?

http://www.werealotlikeyou.com/ Check out #15

I think the We Salute You beer ads did a recumbent one also that was pretty damn funny.

Free speech is a wonderful thing... lets you express ideas and lets idiots out themselves while other idiots cheer them on.

The random idiot that decides it would be funny to do something to a cyclist on the spur of the moment (or worse...planned in advance) really can screw up someones life permanently. To the people targeted it's not easy to find any humor in it.

Maybe this is funny... a guy in a car trying to hit a kid on a bike... enjoy!

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/28097/bumper_hit/

Anonymous said...

If this lass doesn't suffer from an inferiority complex I'll eat my fictional hat. Feeling a need to make fun of others, in an attempt to make her feel better at herself?

Wow.

Anyway... as to stereotypes... no ponytail here (just checked in the mirror). No gray hairs (yet) at 35. Don't even wear no stupid helmet! But I'm male. And being a business economist and mechanical engineer probably has me scoring very high on the 'dork' list too, no? And OMG! I just checked the Hurricane... and it DOES have a mirror.

Incidentally... notice that those stereotypical guys also are not stereotypically overweight or obese. Hm. How very un-American! Real patriots support the economy by buying fast-food, and lots of it too.

Think I'll go away now, sink my head in shame and silently weep while feeding my inferiority complex. At least it'll make the writer (and this blogowner, who obviously endorses the story by copy & pasting it to her blog) feel better about themselves.

On 2nd thought... I think I'll go fondle the 'bent a little.

I have the strong suspicion that the writer would never punch anyone in the face, not even a 'bent rider. Probably suffered from a lonely childhood and was never really loved by her parents.

In real life (as apart from any imaginary blog fantasies) maybe she'd vent some steam by honking and yelling while the car windows are left safely 'up'. And then when she gets home get out the razor blade and start cutting. Too many frustrated people in this world who can't cope with anything or anyone that's slightly different from themselves.

Cheer up lass. Life's too short to worry about stuff like this. Try to enjoy your own life, just as at least this recumbent rider does.

Peter,
The Netherlands.

(and therefore probably a gay, weedsmoking, wooden-clog wearing, tulip-growing vile Urpean with one finger up the dyke, in the weird stereotypical worldview of the writer and blogowner...)

David said...

Actually, I think IMAO's tagline about "punching the hippies" is acceptable satire. That is, it's not obvious moral cowardice, even though addressed toward a presumably non-aggressive person, because it's not always possible to tell the difference between a hippy and a motorcycle gangster.

That is, if you actually did punch a hippy you might find yourself in the shadow of a non-pacifist swinging a big chain. So the humor has a certain degree of risk which saves it from the ashbin. Not necessarily funny to everyone, but not necessarily a moral trainwreck either.

Similarly, I think one could make a tragic mistake by assuming that recumbent cyclists aren't a threat simply because they look like hippies, because they do also look a little bit like motorcycle gangsters. And they're actually a little less likely to be pacifists than your average Tour de France "pack fill," let alone the weekend Lance wannabes.

David said...

Kevin:

Actually, I had you figured for a hippy.

Kevin said...

Ya know, "Redorblack" ... I think I'm gonna reverse my position and side with you on this. In fact, I am quite sure, after reading the Lil's entry in this humor blog's contest, that mad truckers and over-caffeinated drivers all over this country (or maybe just in the Pacific Northwest, no one knows for sure) are going to launch a secret terrorist plot to intentionally run cyclists of all shapes, sizes and hair-lengths RIGHT OFF THE ROAD like Dennis Weaver in an outtake of “Duel.” Yup. That’s EXACTLY what’s gonna happen next. My compliments to you, "Redor," for your foresight and concern. You have saved lives. You are also incarnate proof of that all-too-fitting adage once uttered by the humorist Dave Barry: "No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously." Little did we realize at the time that he was actually directing this comment at recumbent bikers. All kidding aside, I apologize to you, sir. I’m sorry you were born without a sense of irony. I’m also sorry your funny bone is broken. Please accept my condolences. Now why don’t you climb back on your recline-o-cycle and pedal your utterly humorless ass as far away from this blog as possible, hmm? We’re gonna start punching wild animals next, and you probably won’t like that either.

Kevin said...

NICE joke about "cutters", Peter!! It's actually perfect in keeping with the cycling theme of the discussion! And here I was thinking no one in Europe had even bothered seeing "Breaking Away." You give the rest of us Yanks great hope, you Commie, homo-lovin' sonofagun you. Oh, and I'm sorry, David ... but you figured too late: my hair was cut just yesterday. I do, however, still have the big chain.

Warren Bowman said...

Wow, that sure is a funny blog post. Almost as funny as the fact that hundreds of cyclists are killed every year by people driving cars. People driving cars who hold the same sentiment towards all cyclists that you hold towards recumbents. Wow, that is some real humor. Eddie Izzard had better watch his back, cuz making threats towards bike riders is now the apparently the funniest thing ever.

Anonymous said...

I want to punch in the face people who want to punch people in the face

Bryan said...

Baahh... I'm 34. Make my living from the recumbent industry and I laughed at this. Again... People are getting their backs up because of the reference to traffic and cars being put in there. Way too many of us are killed by asshat drivers every year and that number is going up not down. So I don't think that the writer meant to strike a chord but she did. And probably does not deserve the response she got here.

David said...

Kevin:

"I do, however, still have the big chain."

Not as big as your typical motorcycle or recumbent chain, I'll bet. I'd also bet that the average percentage of recumbent cyclists with concealed carry permits vastly outweighs the percentage of DF riders who have them. Notwithstanding that scary Russian who just won the Giro.

David said...

"This post comes from Lil. I particularly dug this post, as I live in Seattle and see these ponytailed eco-warriors clogging the lanes during rush hour."

I ride a recumbent, and thing Al Gore's "global warming" scare is a total scam. I do recognize that neither recumbents or their pilots are perceived as very threatening, and I'd just like to correct that perception. I'm not a hippy. I punch hippies, especially Seattle hippy auto drivers with a chip on their shoulder. They're like, one cut above San Francisco hippies...

I think Fred Thompson rides a recumbent, and he can punch a hippy from the saddle without even raising his arm. In fact, he can punch them with just a look.

Elizabeth said...

First rule of great writing - conflict...well, the Punch Bowl pick hit it 110%. Go Jen (and Lil)!

David said...

Elizabeth:

"First rule of great writing - conflict"

If conflict were really the "first rule of great writing" then the death threats would rationally be considered even better than the original post. And Seinfeld, not to mention Twain, have a thing or two to learn from "Liz." If conflict is the epitome of your standard you can probably "go to school" by reading the trolls on Usenet.

You're a hippy, right? Thought so. I'll bet you've even got a MacBook.

Reku Papa said...

Good post!

Now I can exactly feel how those fatass hamburgergobblers are thinkin' in their hotair-balloon sized trousers :D

David said...

Reku:

"Now I can exactly feel how those fatass hamburgergobblers are thinkin' in their hotair-balloon sized trousers..."

You can "feel" how they're "thinking... in their trousers"? Not only does this lack parallel construction, but it sounds like you've got some sort of unnatural obsession about putting your hands in their pants.

Not that, you know... there's anything necessarily wrong with that.

David said...

"...in their hotair-balloon sized trousers."

The size is required because that's where the artillery and ordnance are located.

John said...

I appreciate the spirit in which this was written, a kind of ironic angst against the weirdness of modern life, but being punched in the face is not really funny . . . trust me--I've been punched there several times. On this point I think the humor fails somewhat, especially if you actually ride a bent (I do! You should too! They're great!). You might suggest throwing a pie in their faces instead, or something more classical like that. Remember the golden rule of comedy: violent misfortune is only funny when it happens to someone else! When you direct it against your audience (or part of your audience) those people aren't likely to laugh.

Hey, can anyone tell what kind of bike it is that guy is riding?

Tommy1414213 said...

Oh, this is why we have to log in now.

Well, it really chaps my hide!

Not literally, of course. Just like no one thinks we should literally punch people in the face? Jeez, isn't that fucking obvious?

John said...

Well of course it's obvious that you don't intend to literally punch anyone in the face. It is also obvious that ideas can be as unpleasant as overt actions, and that the idea of being punched in the face is just not that humorous. Sorry. I'm not outraged: this blog post is just a bit of an ill considered flop in my view, that's all. I think the reaction in the comments largely attests to that.

Tommy1414213 said...

Okay, I can see that. The real threat of physical danger makes the metaphorical threat less funny. Well, to the subject of the rant, at least.

I've been the subject of posts in the past, but I guess those situations didn't have the potential for real-world violence, so the threat of a punch was just plain silly.

On the other hand, slapstick violence is indeed funny. And that's how I view anything on this blog. The over-blown nature of the posts ensures that. (Which is also why I said "fucking obvious" instead of just "obvious.") It's the over-the-top approach that removes it from comparisons with reality.

After all, a 3 Stooges eye-poke is funny, but perhaps not to those who have actually lost an eye that way. It's still funny, though.

JimAtLaw said...

To anyone who rides a recumbent bike, this is not in the least bit funny.

In fact, no bicyclist, and no caring human being for that matter, should find this funny given the number of shouted insults, horns honked in people's ears for no reason, opened doors, hurled beer cans, bottles and other dangerous objects, and road raging or stupid drivers like the poster who run bicyclists down in the street every day.

This in no way resembles slapstick, and is not humorous at all except to people who feel the hate - this is a violent tirade, encouraging violence against people doing nothing but trying to stay in shape, enjoy the outdoors and reduce traffic congestion.

The blogger should be ashamed, the people supporting her right to glorify violence against innocent bicyclists should be ashamed, and she should be banned from Blogger.

Jennifer, I suggest you go spend some time reading rape fantasy sites - see if you can maintain a sense of humor about it, see whether you find it funny or ironic, see how sure you are that these guys don't actually mean it, and whether you think they're really not contributing to genuine hate or violence in any way.

For shame.

none.... said...

Guys, I ride a recumbent and I don't fit the gray beard profile, but this blog is actually quite funny, and a lot of you are really taking things WAY too seriously. Remember, one of the reasons why you likely bought a recumbent is to be comfortable and relax.

Elizabeth said...

Wish JimAtLaw would go after rapists as vociferously as he is going after a woman writing about not liking recumbent bikers. Imagine that world...WOW!

Chris said...

Oh, this is good. We in L.A. don't see too many of these, but ONE per lifetime is enuff to make this readily identifiable. And it's not about being old! I'm old, and I would NEVER be seen doing this!

my muu-muu would get caught in the pedals, for one thing.

Chris said...

Wow. I left my comment before reading the comments.

you kids are so funny!


How To Do It:

If something a complete stranger says on a blog offends you, don't keep coming back to read all the posts and their attendant comments. That way is masochism. Nurture yourself by not reading something meant as entertainment, if it makes you feel all hurt and sad.

Bloggo said...

That wasn't very good, was it?

Dorkus said...

Unfortunately, this blog was probably ill-conceived. already, Jennifer Worick's schedule of personal appearances and book signing events are being published on recumbent blogs all over the web. Hopefully, her friends and supporters will show up at these events to show support for her and prevent unpleasantries.

I personally believe in a non-violent philosophy, but I surely would rather antagonise and blatantly disrespect the "Hells Angels" motorcycle gang in public, before I would take on the entire world recumbent community, which includes some very spooky fringe elements. Stay safe!

Star said...

holy cow, ms. worick, you definitely get some hits on this blog! bishop introduced me to this gem of a blog and told me this evening of the 'death threats' you've been receiving for the post from lil. nothing prepared me for those 52 comments. as for me, the only way i knew about recumbent bikes was from squidward. my thoughts are that if it's on spongebob, it can't be bad. anyway, keep the posts a-comin' cuz you're a hoot!

MBW Diver said...

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
-- Robin Williams

Ineke said...

Bravo Lil! This is hilarious.

SkitzoLeezra said...

Wow, I cannot wait to get some automatic potato launcher missiles attached to my big truck fenders. Wait, never mind, there are no recumbent bicycle riders in south Louisiana. We have laws regarding crimes against nature.
Please disregard.