Monday, March 2, 2009

Keira Knightley’s mandible

Damn you, Keira Knightley, and your Oscar-nominated peaches-and-cream mug. You’d be pretty darn near perfect if it wasn’t for your hideous mandible.

Hate, actually.

Her jutting jaw bugs every time I see her laughing, smiling, talking, existing. She’s a fine actress but it’s hard for me to focus on her thespian abilities when all I can do is stare at the train wreck that is the bottom third of her face. Is she a ventriloquist’s dummy? Can’t she afford some reconstructive surgery? Put that thing away, for God’s sake. An unsuspecting Olsen twin could lose an eye.

Her massive mandible does have one redeeming quality, however—its protuberance makes it an easy target for my fist.

(photo: keirafans.net)

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

You may want to look up the definition of an underbite. (Hint: Keira Knightley doesn't have one)

Anonymous said...

She's makes a pretty bulldog.

Anonymous said...

She has a face?

Lizbot said...

Ha hahahahahahhhhaaaa. Oh my gosh, I have said the same exact thing about a million times. You're so awesome, J Wo.

alisten@mac.com said...

Mandible and canines (or whatever those corner teeth are called on humans). SPOT ON!

Juli said...

*applause* I tell a friend every time I watch a damn KK movie: "I can't stand to look at her!!" Her face ruins movies for me. Really. Oh, that and she's a skeleton. That just creeps me out.

grichent said...

So near perfect! I bet she was born with Styrofoam mandible guards strapped to her head! I especially liked the way Google has placed an advertisement for dental work on this page. C'mon Keira, take the hint!

J-Wo rocks!

Totally Tabletops the Blog said...

YES YES YES! People are baffled at how I can't stand watching her, but I've found my own people now! Jen, you're cracking me up.

Chris said...

laffing.
spot on!

Dancing Hula in the Sunset said...

Don't forget about Victor Garber's freakishly large ears.

Anonymous said...

As a person with an under bite, I find this very offensive. We people with under bites have the right to look beautiful and be out in public without getting punched in the face! Rock that bite, Keira! You're an inspiration to us all!

Anonymous said...

Coming from someone else who has an underbite. Thank you for making me feel less alone ! Fuck you all who hate on oir unique feature ;D

Anonymous said...

I have an underbite and have self confidence issues because of it. I have perusing the Internet to help me with my decision to get surgery. I stumbled upon this site and would like to voice just how terrible it is. No one CHOOSES to be born with an underbite, and many of us cant afford to get reconstructive surgery, or are too afraid of the possible permanent nerve damage that can result from it. Shame on you for such blatant bullying.

seventoedsloth said...

Why does it even matter if she's not perfect looking? Why does an actress have to be perfect? Seriously, we can appreciate a fantastic performance from someone who isn't stunning. So there's your first problem. Get the fuck over it.
Second, she's a beautiful woman. Her underbite (which it isn't, I used to have one before I needed to have double jaw surgery) is just one thing that makes her more interesting. And good luck finding a perfect looking woman. If you're actually complaining about her appearance, I don't think anyone would satisfy you. And think about the asshole you're being to other women, too. This is why no girl ever thinks she looks good enough. It doesn't matter whatsoever.

Anonymous said...

Wow. You're a jerk. That is all.

Jen Pow said...

What a ugly person you are, inside and out.

Anonymous said...

Wow this is ridiculous. KK is fucking amazing. her underbite is gorgeous and so is she.

Anonymous said...

A lot of people use the phrase "we didn't choose [adjective], but that doesn't make it less attractive. Like people don't choose to be anorexic, choose to be ugly, choose to be plain unattractive.

Of course you didn't, or you wouldn't be [adjective].

Hell, if I had a choice, I wouldn't be a beautiful fatty. Oh wait, I do have a choice. To the treadmill.

Gayness is a choice though. Stop being gay.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure you guys are jealous. I checked. The person who posted this, and everyone agreeing with them are fucking hideous. You yes who posted this, your nose is fucked up! you should get a whole new fucking face. and people who agree I have'nt actually seen one almost decent looking. you all litterally look like my shit i am not kidding. if anyone ever hates on a person this fucking pretty who is so fucking ugly themselves i will cut your jaw off and make you eat it, litterally you ugly fatties better watch what you say, it's the people like you who fuck up the world. If you were next to me I would probably stab you a few times.

Anonymous said...

How Kiera knightly ever managed to get a job where other people have to look at her is a mystery to me. Every time I see her on the screen, I have this visceral "kill it with fire!" impulse. The only thing that can save us from Kiera knightly is sigourney weaver in a robot suit

Anonymous said...

It's not bullying. Well-aligned teeth are part of a healthy digestive system. Yes, it is physically unattractive, but she should get it fixed so she doesn't end up wearing dentures at 60. People with underbites have off-set teeth, since they don't align with the top, odds are great that they'll chip and grind down from misalignment. People with underbites usually depend more on their back molars for chewing than the front, this lack of use causes front teeth to move, allowing bacteria to cause decay between the teeth and gum line, rotting the teeth and they become frail. She has the money, she should fix it for her health.

Anonymous said...

Yes because you're a dentist and have personally examined her teeth. What a blatant generalization. Underbites do not automatically lead to chipped teeth and dentures. Fixing an underbite also isn't just about getting some braces. Often the whole jaw must be shattered and realigned. This usually means about 6 months of liquids and a year of recovery and THEN possibly more time with braces.

Being ugly in the inside however is easier to fix. Everytime I see such shallow nasty people such as the poster I want to punch them in the face.