Shlubs with hot chicks

The list is long and my temper is short.

The King of Queens, According to Jim (According to me, Jim Belushi should maybe join Courtney Thorne-Smith at a gym once in a while), Still Standing (Am I supposed to buy the coupling of Jami Gertz and the lovable but chunky Sad Sack from The Full Monty? Talk about square pegs!), Grounded for Life, Everybody Loves Raymond…

Don’t presume to speak for me, you Hollywood asswipes. I don’t love Raymond. Matter of fact, I suspect that there are a lot of foxy birds who find him anything but lovable. How such a whiny schlub ever scored Patricia Heaton is a mystery understood only by TV execs and a handful of Operating Thetan level 8 Scientologists. Humor goes a loooongggg way in my book, but it doesn’t mean that these doughnut-scarfing doofuses shouldn’t also work on their navel-gazing tendencies, hit a treadmill, and eat a salad every now and again.

Here's a novel idea: create a show for me that features a full-figured, ribald babe in a juicy marriage with some smokin' piece of ass like Jason Lewis. That show, I'd watch. That show, I'd love.

Meanwhile, instead of beating these guys senseless (it's not their fault they were cast in sitcoms that suspend disbelief), I'm going to Duct-Tape them all together and make myself a nice cushy bean bag chair, fit for a queen and suitable for all my TV viewing needs. Who needs a BarcaLounger when you've got Kevin James?

(Photo: www.xanga.com)