Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Doctors who go by their first names
I know that we are living in an exciting age, where everything is becoming democratized, and the playing field is being leveled. But call me crazy, I want my president to be WAY smarter than me and I want to be slightly intimidated by my physician or my date with the PhD.
Use your last name, for fuck’s sake! Print it on your business card, use it in your talk show title, own it.
Even Doctor Doom goes by his last name (and, come to think of it, so does Doc Ock in his own fashion). He may be a costumed villain but that dude has decorum (and admittedly, a bad-ass last name).
It works my last nerve that these doctors use their first names to appear approachable and likable. Homey don't play that. I don’t want to let my guard down and place myself in a target-rich environment, Quick-Draw McGraw. I do want to draw a bullseye on your never-ending forehead and use that as a makeshift punching bag. Dr. Drew, while I respect your curriculum vitae, your moniker gets me so agitated that I want to stuff a handful of Quaaludes down my piehole just to calm the fuck down. Dr. Laura, your name does make me want to open up…and share my Zippo with your physiology PhD diploma. Dr. Ruth, I'll give you a pass this time. You're the shit.
Don't even get me started about Judge Judy.