Monday, March 2, 2009

Keira Knightley’s mandible

Damn you, Keira Knightley, and your Oscar-nominated peaches-and-cream mug. You’d be pretty darn near perfect if it wasn’t for your hideous mandible.

Hate, actually.

Her jutting jaw bugs every time I see her laughing, smiling, talking, existing. She’s a fine actress but it’s hard for me to focus on her thespian abilities when all I can do is stare at the train wreck that is the bottom third of her face. Is she a ventriloquist’s dummy? Can’t she afford some reconstructive surgery? Put that thing away, for God’s sake. An unsuspecting Olsen twin could lose an eye.

Her massive mandible does have one redeeming quality, however—its protuberance makes it an easy target for my fist.

(photo: keirafans.net)

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

You may want to look up the definition of an underbite. (Hint: Keira Knightley doesn't have one)

Anonymous said...

She's makes a pretty bulldog.

Anonymous said...

She has a face?

Lizbot said...

Ha hahahahahahhhhaaaa. Oh my gosh, I have said the same exact thing about a million times. You're so awesome, J Wo.

alisten@mac.com said...

Mandible and canines (or whatever those corner teeth are called on humans). SPOT ON!

Juli said...

*applause* I tell a friend every time I watch a damn KK movie: "I can't stand to look at her!!" Her face ruins movies for me. Really. Oh, that and she's a skeleton. That just creeps me out.

grichent said...

So near perfect! I bet she was born with Styrofoam mandible guards strapped to her head! I especially liked the way Google has placed an advertisement for dental work on this page. C'mon Keira, take the hint!

J-Wo rocks!

Totally Tabletops the Blog said...

YES YES YES! People are baffled at how I can't stand watching her, but I've found my own people now! Jen, you're cracking me up.

Chris said...

laffing.
spot on!

Dancing Hula in the Sunset said...

Don't forget about Victor Garber's freakishly large ears.

Anonymous said...

As a person with an under bite, I find this very offensive. We people with under bites have the right to look beautiful and be out in public without getting punched in the face! Rock that bite, Keira! You're an inspiration to us all!

Anonymous said...

Coming from someone else who has an underbite. Thank you for making me feel less alone ! Fuck you all who hate on oir unique feature ;D

Anonymous said...

I have an underbite and have self confidence issues because of it. I have perusing the Internet to help me with my decision to get surgery. I stumbled upon this site and would like to voice just how terrible it is. No one CHOOSES to be born with an underbite, and many of us cant afford to get reconstructive surgery, or are too afraid of the possible permanent nerve damage that can result from it. Shame on you for such blatant bullying.

seventoedsloth said...

Why does it even matter if she's not perfect looking? Why does an actress have to be perfect? Seriously, we can appreciate a fantastic performance from someone who isn't stunning. So there's your first problem. Get the fuck over it.
Second, she's a beautiful woman. Her underbite (which it isn't, I used to have one before I needed to have double jaw surgery) is just one thing that makes her more interesting. And good luck finding a perfect looking woman. If you're actually complaining about her appearance, I don't think anyone would satisfy you. And think about the asshole you're being to other women, too. This is why no girl ever thinks she looks good enough. It doesn't matter whatsoever.

Anonymous said...

Wow. You're a jerk. That is all.

Jen Pow said...

What a ugly person you are, inside and out.