Friday, March 20, 2009
I’m not a fan of shorts on men in general but when they are jean shorts (or jorts), I really doth protest. Often they are pleated, sometimes they are acid wash or faded, they can be hip-hop long or wash-the-car knee-length. Whatever the case, jorts all have one thing in common: they are nine kinds of wrong.
I don’t mind cut-offs, I have to say. They aren’t trying to be something they’re not. They own their trashiness and I find that appealing (except when they are so short on celebutards that the pockets hang below the “hem” line).
What I don’t find appealing are jorts—hemmed and intended to be worn as shorts from the get—that are paired with a tucked-in polo shirt and a cell phone clipped to the belt. This isn’t the summer version of business casual, Stef, it’s business casualty. If you’re burning up, reach for some flat-front khakis or cargo shorts, for the love of the fashion gods. If you dig on denim, pull on a pair of jeans and suck up your internal temperature. Choose a lane, make a Sophie’s choice: Jeans or shorts. You don’t get to have both and live to tell about it.
As spring gets under way, I expect to see more and more of these denim abominations burning my retinas. I think the best way to cure you of your penchant for St. John’s Bay resort wear is to whack your exposed knee with a 5-iron and send you to the pro shop for an ice pack and some more appealing clothing. Don’t worry; I’ll recycle those jorts for you: I’ll cut them off and send them to Britney or Jessica.