Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Unflushed toilets

Do what you want in the privacy of your own home. If it’s yellow, let it mellow, whatever. I don't give a shit. But if you are planting your ass on or aiming your junk at a public toilet, finish the job. Wipe up and flush.

Were you raised in the wild? Are you Nell? If not, I suspect your parents didn’t bring you up to leave your waste in a public space. Whether it’s number one or two, flush that shit down the drain. And while you’re at it, check for stray spray. As it says on the bathroom wall of the American Legion in Coloma, Michigan, “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.” I couldn’t have toll painted that better myself.

For your lack of consideration and rudimentary hygiene, I think a big-ass swirlie is in order. Bobbing for crapples is a whole new kind of poo punch in the face, don't you think? What’s wrong, sweetpee? You look a bit flushed.


Silke said...

All i get for complaining is being yelled at.

Moving out.

Spa Scotta said...

Or as the sign used to say at an old job (now defunct)..."If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweatie and wipe the seatie." A "sweatie"? That's ALMOST grosser...almost.

Jennifer Worick said...

Man, I would have taken a Sharpie to that sign.

Eewwww, sweaty bum.

Bug surprise that the business is defunct.

Kevin said...

Some will blame it on modern technology - the automatic-flush toilet! With so many toilets activated by simply walking away from them, people now seem to expect this all the time, and don't realize that some bathrooms are still "old school" and you have to push the lever or button! I once watched a guy in a restaurant bathroom stand with his hands in front of the sink faucet for about 30 seconds waiting for the water to turn on by itself, before I reached over and turned the valve for him.

Jennifer Worick said...

I hate the automatic sinks almost as much as the auto soap dispensers, which 40 percent of the time they work every time.

Chris said...

This cracks me the F up.

how the hell do you know what it says at the American Legion in Coloma, MI ? So fab. I'm sure it was tole painted with love.

Here's the deal: where I work some dweeb brings her kid to work every summer. I can't quite catch them in the act, but I hear that high pitched effer out there and can't get out of my office through the lobby and out the door fast enough to trip her. But she leaves the paper on the seat and a whole roll of TP in the unflushed stinky bowl every few days or so, and I swear I could kill. I'll be the subject of an Ann Rule book, yet.

I wrote a note and posted it on the bathroom door saying please teach your child to clean up after herself or stay and do it for her. I got back the nastiest note, a full page single spaced, about how I'm a child molester and a stalker and how she better not find out who I am.

I was so HOPING she would find out who I am, but the building owner nixed those notes, right off.

Jennifer Worick said...

"I'll be the subject of an Ann Rule book yet." HAHAHAHA. You are one heavenly creature, Chris.