Here are the top 8 reasons why these two—either separately or together—need to jump on an ATV and go deep into the woods of Pennsylvania, never to return.
8. Ed Hardy clothes. Tattoos belong on the skin, not on daddy’s hoodie.
7. Kate’s last nerve. She’s always on it, I’m always over it.
6. Jon’s somnambulant demeanor. Are you walking off a bender? Did you pull an all-nighter at a college sports bar? Are your biorhythms at a low point? Lacking electrolytes? Zombie? Throw back some coffee or Gatorade, eat some brains, and look alert.
5. Matching kids’ clothing. You dress all your kids—sextuplets and twins alike—to match. Are they on a team and need a uniform? Is it your way of tagging and herding them? I wonder at what age the multiple personality disorder will start to kick in when one of them actually wants to carve out an identity.
4. Kids as billboards. If your kids aren't Oilily-ed out, you’ve got them wearing t-shirts promoting the Crooked Houses that are currently being assembled on the show or some other swag you got for free.
3. Media attention. For Christ’s sake, can the paparazzi get back to their job of stalking Lindsay and Britney and those no-talent bitches on The Hills? Baby needs to know what baby-doll dresses are in this season!
2. “I didn’t sign up for this.” Yeah, you did. TLC has a signed contract that it would be happy to show you, if Hannah happened to spill her sippy cup of apple juice all over yours.
1. Kate’s hair. Duh. Hair should attract the eye, but not from the skies. A 'do should not double as a nest for fledgling owlets or goslings, but maybe that’s just me.