I have the same violent feelings about this parking violation as I do about people who hate to park their car on the street instead of a garage, or are scared to drive it into the big bad city. If you are that worried about your ride, you prolly shouldn’t take it out of the cul de sac, or you shouldn’t own it at all.
But maybe you have a different reason for flunking your driving test on a daily basis. Perhaps you’re visually challenged. Maybe your first name starts with N and you’re trying to create a capital N with your Nissan by joining the ends of the painted lines. Guess what? N is also for Nimrod, Nincompoop, and ‘Nads. Maybe you’re playing a giant game of Connect Door. And in case you are confused, that line in front of you is not a guide for centering your Hummer.
Get your OCD on and make it a challenge NOT to touch either line, instead of straddling it like Brooke Hogan on a mechanical bull. If you keep it up, I’m going to go all Kathy Bates on you and get jiggy with the parking piggy, regardless of whether you are in the lot of the Piggly Wiggly or a parking garage. I’m going to drive up your insurance premiums when I smash into your beloved Beemer from whatever angle you’ve provided me with. And if that doesn’t do the trick, I’m going to really go Kathy Bates on you and get out the sledgehammer. I’ll make sure you’re not driving or parking anything but a wheelchair anytime soon.