The Geico caveman

Apparently, the Geico caveman is working up toward a full-on docudrama. It started innocently enough: I liked the commercial in the airport. No dialogue, just Röyksopp and a moving walkway.

Then he moved into the therapist’s office. There wasn’t much room on the couch, since he was sharing it with a massive chip on his shoulder. The discomfort was palpable.

Now we’ve entered full-on Ben Stiller territory. In Fright at the Museum, Brow Ridge is a docent at the Museum of Natural History, leading a group of Greek system rejects who start circling him like they’re re-enacting a scene from “The Lottery” (that short story by Shirley Jackson we all had to read in high school). If those stones in the diorama weren’t papier mâché, I’d be worried for the dude’s survival. Sure, Clan of the Cave Bear bags the babe in the end but, like a Ben Stiller movie, the payoff never equals the shit he had to eat during the previous 89 minutes.

Cro-Gagnon gets to show his acting chops in this 3-minute commercial…well, as much as he can show under all that fur. He is a long-suffering martyr. He tries on bemusement. Here we go: he’s officially annoyed! He transitions into supercilious before finally settling on bitter. Are these the five stage of caveman grief? And why do I need bear witness?

If I wanted to see bitter, I’d look in the mirror…or re-read these blog posts. It’s time to throw him into a crate and ship him back to Olduvai Gorge. Maybe the missing link should stay lost.

(And does anyone else think that the caveman bears some resemblance to Val Kilmer?)