- 5 Things I Could Grab from Where I’m Sitting
- 5 Things on My Body I Can No Longer Grab
- Top 5 Ways You Want to Kick the Bucket
- Which Michael Jackson Hit Song Are You?
- Things I’ve Used to Wipe My Ass
- Things I’ve Put in my Mouth When Drunk
- Which Texting Emodicon Are You?
- 5 Facebook Quizzes that Will Drive You to the Edge of Insanity and Then Push You Over
Navel gazing has been taken up a notch with these quizzes, whose dumbassedness is only rivaled by Jar Jar Binks. Blogging, creating profiles, writing pithy status updates—this is all cyber child’s play when faced with the monumentally feeble attempt to make us believe we are more interesting than we are. I don’t give a rat’s ass what Jane Austen character I am (as long as it’s not Lydia Bennet); I’d rather spend my time reading Miss Austen than imagining myself stuffed into an empire-waist gown in a pre-deodorant era. I love my friends, I really do, but frankly, my dear, when it comes to your 5 favorite cereals, I don’t give a damn.
For the record, here are my top 5 ways I'm going to kick your social networking ass:
1) Shut down Living Social with a nasty virus.
2) Ruin your reputation by spreading a nasty rumor on the men's room wall.
3) Cage fight. I've got my top 14 phalanges right here, ready to inflict some damage to your face, Facebook. Don't even think about tapping out, bitch.
4) Start my own rival quiz network, where I'll ask questions that really matter (such as Top 5 Patrick Swayze quotes and 5 Worst Hangnail Experiences of My Life).
5) Ignore you altogether and watch reruns of Jon & Kate Plus 8. Just kidding. I'll be in the tub re-reading Persuasion.