Monday, January 11, 2010


I’ve dipped my toe into the internet dating waters and whenever a guy “winks” at me, I go off the deep end. Are you too lazy to write to me? Too busy? Tongue-tied in the face of all of my splendor? Too fucking bad. Grow a pair and send me a real note.

It doesn’t need to be an 8,000-word missive (I’ve gotten one of those). It doesn’t need to lay open your soul, telling me how much I remind you of your ex-wife (yep, got that too). It just needs to say hi, be real, and, if you’ve got an extra 5 minutes, tell me something about yourself or why you liked my profile.

But whatever you do, don’t “wink” at me, you puss.

Winks make me batshit crazy. To me, they scream, “I care enough to send the very least.” Do you think I’m going to be so taken with your snapshot (the one where you’ve clearly cropped out your last girlfriend or draped your cat artfully over your girth) that I’ll go straight to your profile and become inspired to initiate the conversation?

Dream on, Lothari-NO.

“You don’t know what you’re missing,” you say? You’re absolutely right. I have absolutely no idea what I’m missing. However, I do know what you’re missing: courage and perhaps a time-management system that allows you to spend more than 10 seconds contacting a potential love interest. Wink at me again and I’ll give you a response. How about “This person has blocked you from her profile?” Get some game or get lost.



Chickens in the Basement said...

Can you create a black eye to send back to the winkers? Maybe a hand with the middle finger poking up in the air?


Sarah said...

HAHA this is the best blog post ever. i agree with you

Anonymous said...

I am now enjoying a particularly gaudy reverie, a vision of myself draped in cats. Oh for a camera. And a bunch of cats. I'd send it to you, you betcha.

ME and Blue said...

Fab post! I met my guy on Eharmony and spent many months on those sites. Hang in there. It's a numbers game and yes, you're right. Winks mean lazy! M.E.