Sunday, January 17, 2010

Swag bags

It’s awards show season and I’m pissed. No, not because The Squeakquel is getting shut out. It’s not the “In Memoriam” montages and laundry-list acceptance speeches, either. It’s those damn swag bags.

Does Kate Hudson really need a makeup case chock-full of some fancy-pants line only found at Fred Segal? What's Jennifer Lopez gonna do with another candle? Let’s be honest—she’s just going to give it to her nanny anyway if it’s not white. Does Johnny Depp want a free trip to Atlantis Paradise Island Resort & Casino? Cap’n Jack owns an island, for fuck’s sake!

Then there are the bottom-feeders like Paris Hilton and Tara Reid, who always seem to bluff their way into gift suites at Sundance or the Independent Spirit Awards so they can gobble up trampy low-rise denim, free Botox, and the newest gadget or handbag.

Fuck yeah, I’m jealous. I could use the hell out of Oliver Peoples sunglasses and some Paige denim (even if I can’t get my ass into a pair). But I can’t afford this stuff—Nicole Kidman can. Nic Cage once could. These stars, the ones who CAN pay for a phat dinner at Katsuya and an impromptu trip to Bali in their private plane, need to step away from the swag and leave it to those who really will appreciate the booty, namely me. If you don’t back away, I’m going to beat you with a fully loaded Tumi duffle bag. Take that, Drew Barrymore.

(photo: mmva.muchmusic.com)

8 comments:

Wilma NC said...

I agree!!!! I read the other day that restaurants PAY celebrities to have their birthday parties at their establishment, sometimes up to a million dollars (for like Lindsay Lohan). Geez.

one gal's trash said...

Hi,
You got a shout out on my blog, but I just twigged that getting blog awards is probably one of the things you want to punch in the face. Oops. Thanks for the laughs.
Pam

Jennifer Worick said...

I punch all blog awards in the face that I'm not nominated for!

美麗新世界 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
感冒 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chris said...

It looks like you're getting the spam comments, too. I had to put comment moderation on.

When I think about how much waste and bullshit is wrapped up in these swag bags it makes me sick. I could take most of that stuff, even if I won't wear it, and make something cool out of it! But you KNOW it goes in the trash.

Jennifer Worick said...

Or to their housekeepers and personal assistants. Grrr....

Fanboy Wife said...

I really just have no idea why we need to give things to rich people. I don't get it at all.