Tuesday, January 26, 2010

People who don’t leave voicemails

Do you think, amongst my superpowers, that I can read minds? Did you accidentally ring me when you sat on your Blackberry? Are you an Amish child who thinks, like a camera, my phone will steal your soul? Are you trying to be all mysterious and shit so that my curiosity will be piqued? What the eff do you want?

If you’ve already left me a voicemail, don’t trouble yourself with another rambler. But if you are just calling and, in essence, hanging up on me and my recorded message, don’t assume I’m going to call you back. If you actually want something, you can damn well leave me a message.

I know a lot of folks who are masters of the passive-aggressive hang-up. When I do answer the phone, they often start off with something akin to, “Oh, you’re finally home!” which translates to “Wow, you actually picked up on poor me, who calls and calls but clearly has an ungrateful, lame friend who I shouldn’t even bother with.”

That message came through, loud and clear. If only you were as eager to leave an actual voicemail, our communication would be crystal clear.

(photo: larryfire.wordpress.com)

16 comments:

Sayschnicklefritz said...

Not leaving a voicemail is like starting an obnoxious adult version of tag, you're it!

I'd like to add a similar group of people to the shitlist, and that's folks who don't listen to a voicemail.

Them: I see you just called.
Me: Yes, did you get my message?
Them: No, I just called you back. What did it say.
Me: (stony, seething silence)

Yet Another Steve said...

In defense of not listening to a voicemail before calling back -- how long and rambling was the voicemail you left? I know people who can go on for five full minutes on an answering machine without really saying anything except blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah blah, call me back. Never giving a hint of WHY they want you to call back. Eventually as soon as you hear their standard sign-on "Hello, it's just me..." you immediately delete what you know will be a long ramble of nothing, and, if you're feeling benevolent, you do call them back.

Titanium said...

...still gasping for air after laughing myself OFF my chair...

The Amish child reference just killed me.

Hysterical.

Sayschnicklefritz said...

I'm neither an asshole nor a ritard, so my messages are appropriately brief.

Kara said...

I am the complete opposite. I don't want you to leave a voicemail. Most of my voicemails are, "hey um this is so and so, just call me back." If I have missed your call, then I will call you back. I don't want to listen to you ramble on my voicemail with nothing important. Unless you are dead on the side of the road, bleeding from the head, don't leave me a voicemail. My message says, "unless this is an emergency and I will not be able to call you back, don't leave me a voicemail."

Kara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fanboy Wife said...

I usually won't call people back if I don't get a voice mail. Who knows what they want. I usually never get called unless someone wants something from me anyway, so I'm usually not too eager to return mystery calls.

Nicholas Crawford said...

Don't leave voicemails, don't listen to voicemails. Text messaging exists for reason.

For a perfect illustration of why, check this out.

Andie Reid said...

Has my mother been calling you, too?

Trey said...

If someone doesn't leave a message, why do you worry about it at all? They don't want you to call back, because if they did, they'd leave a message.

It's not an adult version of "tag" because tag with the phone would involve leaving messages and asking you to call back.

If someone gets passive-aggressive with you, then I recommend that you indulge them with a response such as "Yes, I’ve been so busy lately because I’m so beautiful and popular and, regretfully, my charities have been completely neglected. How can I help you today, dear friend?" Why? Because they're the ones being childish with some sort of expectation that you're going to be beside the phone at every minute awaiting their calls or, as you mention, that you're psychic and will know they want a call back.

As for not listening to messages, if your message is appropriately brief, then it should amount to simply saying, "Please call me back" otherwise you're probably leaving an excess of detail and further delaying that person's day.

I will grant that there are situations where the message might be, "Don't call me back. I just wanted to let you know X." But since I hate getting messages, I will wonder why you didn't just text or email instead of leaving me a voicemail, which is the equivalent of finding a random, unmarked envelope containing a vortex of time suckage. I can read faster than you can talk, so write it down!

RabbitStyleNews said...

Ugh, no thanks, not leaving a voicemail is my preference. Text or email, please.

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viagra online said...

Well personally I never check my voice mail If I could tell to my cellphone to disable my phone answer machine i'll do.
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Anonymous said...

I'm the opposite of you texters. I prefer voicemail. If you text me, I may not text back unless you explicitly asked me a question, and then, only if I feel like it. That is because text is completely impersonal and implies an element of laziness or distance. It is the equivalent of taping a postcard to someone's front door without knocking when there is a chance they are actually at home.
If you call and leave a voicemail, I will always call back, because that is proper phone etiquette, and while bad manners is a pet peeve of mine, I actually delight in good manners.
I do not like lengthy voicemails, but do appreciate a short reason as to why I should call back so that I am not stepping into a possible hornets nest or getting into a lengthy discussion unless I have the time.
The only person that I will call back without her leaving a voicemail is my mother. Mothers get special treatment.

Anonymous said...

someone suggested sending a text message. I can't leave text messages because my home phone doesn't have a keypad.

Anonymous said...

It's spelled retard...