Thursday, January 14, 2010

Back fat

It’s bad enough that I have boobies busting out of my front side. Do I really need my body jutting out of my back? No matter my weight, when I strap on a bra, the layer of fat I’ve accumulated for winter hibernation oozes under and over the band.

Needless to say, this is decidedly not hot.

Don’t misunderstand me: that layer of fat is insulating me, but it’s the only thing keeping me warm since no one wants to get near my built-in pillow. It’s like spooning with Quasimodo. It’s not all bad, I suppose. My punchback is great for uncomfortable plane flights—no need to take up space in my carry-on with a bucky pillow when I’m rocking the Maidendeform.

But that might be the only upside to my body goo. Oh, and I suppose there’s one other consolation: if I punch back fat in its face, it will absorb the impact and prevent any damage to my internal organs. There I go again, being all glass half-full and shit.


(photo: losefatfrom.com)

12 comments:

Titanium said...

Literally, punching can do wonders for back-fat...

It's amazing what working the speed bag can do for the metabolism. And there's always kickboxing...

Plant a good left hook-right uppercut combo to the source of the frustration!

Midcenturymadam said...

Easy solution, take off your bra. Let the girls run free. Happy boobs, no more back fat. Simple.

Midcenturymadam said...

Oh yes, and don't forget to wear those pajama bottoms when you go out in public, to complete the look.

mhgdblog said...

Amen to that sister! I've already made it very clear to my entire family - NO photos of me from the rear. EVER.

Cameron said...

I was in a band once called Spooning with Quasimodo.

Jennifer Worick said...

Midcenturymadam: You would not want to see my girls knocking around. Without a bra, it's like a bag of puppies up in here.

Jennifer Worick said...

Cameron, you're kidding, right?

Cameron said...

Our first single, in fact, was called "Bag of Puppies". (Yes, I am kidding. My non-existent band would have been called something much less original, like "My Non-Existent Band".)

Kat Spellman. The Spellman Company. Marketing and PR. said...

Sassybax

Alicia P. said...

Unrelated, sort of, but my friend was going to name her imaginary band My Tall Firm Mom -- who probably doesn't have any back fat, and that makes me want to punch her in the face.

ann said...

This
gets rid of back fat, and belly bulges too!

Amanda Horan Kennedy said...

I created the first bra to correct the appearance of back fat. Six years later it is still my top seller and all the big companies have made their version of my bra. Mine is still the most effective however.

I must say, it's not usually the fault of the woman but rather the cut of most bras in the back. That's why mine is so great.

www.Sassybax.com
Amanda Kennedy
Founder