Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Staycations


This has been the summer of the “staycation,” a dumbass euphemism for being too broke to go anywhere interesting. Instead, people are encouraged to discover their own town, to go on holiday in their own backyard—literally, their own backyard. Instead of flying to a foreign country, renting a condo at the beach, or roadtripping to Wall Drug, set up a tent on your patio and sleep al fresco. What could be better?

Um, most anything.

If you are sitting on your couch for two weeks, you’re not on vacation. You’re unemployed or broke or both. Vacationing at home only makes you think about the shit you have to get done. Instead of recharging your batteries on this naycation, you’ll paint the kitchen, record your expenses into Quicken, grout the tub. Some holiday. It almost beats that time when you were 11 and you went on that cross-country family roadtrip right around the time your parents split up, doesn’t it?

Naming something annoyingly cute doesn’t make it so. Just look at Soleil Moon Frye or the critter from Gremlins. Yeah, Gizmo was adorbs…until you added water. A staycation sounds appealing…until you realize that you just reorganized your closet, waxed the floors as well as your bits and pieces, and sewed all the missing buttons on your clothing. Productive? Yes. Relaxing? Just stay no.

Don't even get me going about babymoons…

(photo: mybadpad.com)

10 comments:

mduette said...

Haha. "Just stay no." Love it.
You should work for the travel bored (see what I did there?)

p.s I don't *like* Carrot Top. Just wish I were that successful at being an annoying dork.

Sarasnee said...

I'd DEFINITELY rather stay home than road trip to Wall Drug. Other than that, agreed.

Chris said...

I hate to ask what babymoons are. Is it when you love your baby and hate to go back to work?

Jennifer Worick said...

It's the vacation you take while pregnant so you can get a bit of a holiday before all hell breaks loose when the baby comes.

Yet Another Steve said...

Thank you, Chris, for asking that question. Fearing the answer would be something adorable to do with infants' butts, I was too afraid to ask.

The secret to the perfect "staycation" (or, yes, better, "naycation") is to amass a stack of good trashy novels, and a stack of good trashy DVDs, a case or so of wine and some of your kind neighbor's best garden herbs, and just stay baked and slothful. Put a sign on your door that says "Quarantine" or "Fumigation, Do Not Enter" to discourage anything that might require you to shower or put on clothes. Be sure you're well-stocked with all your favorite canned or frozen treats, and let the world go by! (But do set an alarm to alert you when you've only got, like, two days left to get things back together.)

The Knitting Sommelier said...

I love it! I laughed so hard that I scared my husband. And I thought that it's because I am a "foreigner" it seemed like a "corniest" and stupidest thing in the world...I am so glad that I am not alone in these thoughts about “staycations”.

Red said...

I love you! You are so freakin' funny! Just found your blog, but I'll read every new one.....can you say, "She's always stuck at home and needs a laugh?"

Makeup Theory said...

Amen. If it doesn't involve an airplane, it ain't a vacation. What marketing firm came up with this lame idea anyway?

Jennifer Worick said...

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this cold, vacation-less world.

Anonymous said...

Staycation? How lame. Stay home... watch TV? Listen to elderly parent whom I'm caring for bitch and nag at me everyday? Relaxing? WTF? I'd need 2 bottles of Absolut Vodka to drink everyday until I pass out shitfaced and cold and a stockpile of cigarettes just to tolerate this lame idea. Go back to work with a hangover when my staycation was over.