Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sponsors of the impossible and ridiculous

Hubris has been around since the dawn of man (Icarus, anyone?) but certain corporations and organizations are taking it to a whole new level by sponsoring ludicrous things. And Donald Trump isn’t even involved.

For instance, Intel is a proud sponsor of tomorrow. It seriously takes a pair to lay claim on the future. And who’s hiring Intel as a sponsor? God? I would have figured He’d have more on His to-do list than to solicit sponsorship for what is generally regarded as a fait accompli. As the official sponsor of birthdays, the American Cancer Society better pony up an ice cream cake and a card come June 29. And every time I have a bright idea, I have to remember to thank Mutual of Omaha (or Oprah, depending on which side of the lawsuit you fall) for my "aha!" moment.

Don't get me wrong: I’m not against corporate sponsorship, but let’s make it somewhere in the neighborhood of appropriate. Jose Cuervo, I think it only fitting that you become the official sponsor of the walk of shame. Nordstrom, I dub thee the sponsor of my overdrawn checking account. McDonalds, I think it’s fair to say that you’re the proud sponsor of my high cholesterol. Hummer, lay down some coin and sponsor small penises everywhere.

And if anyone knows someone in corporate at Everlast or Hawaiian Punch, send them my way. Things I Want to Punch in the Face is looking for sponsorship. If the 2012 apocalypse can nab a sponsor, there's no reason I can't.

(The inspiration for this post came from Jessica. Thanks!)


mduette said...

I'd like to thank "(or Oprah, depending on which side of the lawsuit you fall)" for my LOL moment. Hope AOL doesn't sponsor that!

Great post. Was it brought to us by Garnier Fructis? Reminds me of another pet peeve...registered trademarks. What's next...are police forces going to get sued for using the 'Target' symbol on the ol' firing range?

Chris said...

I'm still stuck on awesome the Icarus allusion...

Cameron said...

CBS Television: sponsor of my general disdain for humanity.

Cameron said...

By the way, best column I've read anywhere for a while. This compliment has been brought to you by a dim, flickering hope for humanity yet to be extinguished. And by the letter B.