Thursday, September 10, 2009

Ankle bracelets

If tennis bracelets are the jewelry equivalent of the French manicure, then ankle bracelets are press-on nails. I’m not quite sure about the origins of the anklet, but it seems like a gold-plated shackle to a shitbox life hanging out at the mall.

How’s that work when putting on socks? It must chafe at the gym. It’s particularly awesome when it’s over (and sometimes under) nylons. Usually that hosiery color is “suntan” and the anklet is straight out of Things Remembered. In a word, hot.

Speaking of smokin’, I remember watching Love in the Afternoon a few years back and wondering why Audrey Hepburn chose to strap on an anklet to pose as a woman of the world. Wouldn’t red lipstick have done the trick? But now I get it. An ankle bracelet was her sign that she was open for business and believe me, Gary Cooper was buying what she was selling. The ankle bracelet wasn’t an indicator of class, but a measure of how many times around the block she had been.

I think we should string together all these chain-link offenses, lasso the women who wear them, and send them back to hell (i.e., Claire’s Boutique).



accidentalolympian said...

I feel ill. I had an ex who used to wear a pooka shell ankle bracelet. By this logic, he was a slut, and also in terribly bad taste.

Chris said...

I still think the right anklet on the right bare ankle is hot. In fact, I don't even care who the woman in the picture is. Or, if she's a woman.

yeah. I'm easy like Sunday morning.

Yet Another Steve said...

Could be worse, if the bracelet were, instead of 'round an ankle, hanging from some sort of body piercing thingie.

Question: is a 'tramp stamp' required if one is going to wear an ankle bracelet? They do sort of seem to go together, don't they?

mduette said...

LOL love 'chain-link offenses.' And Claire's. Oh, my. Even better that the photo has a toe-ring too. I'd love to read your take on those (hint hint) ;)

SkitzoLeezra said...

Oh Fuh Gawd! An ankle bracelet MUST be worn with tan L'EGGS pantyhose. It is LAW!

Kimberly said...

You left out - toe rings.

Gigi said...

Oh God, this made me laugh out loud! My mother forbade me to wear an ankle bracelet because she said they were for hookers.

Molly's Mom said...

I just found this blog and have been laughing my head off in between nodding in agreement!

I also hate ankle bracelets...they really should go with airbrushed nails. Blech!