Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Mushy cereal

I’ve put away a lot of cereal in my time. As a kid, I hoovered Apple Jacks, Lucky Charms, Honeycomb, and Quisp (which I’m forever sad isn’t in the cereal aisle any longer). There was King Vitaman for a faux-healthy bender, Frosted Mini-Wheats if I could get to them before my brothers, Wheaties if I was feeling sporty.

No matter the cereal, I always knocked it back as if I was in a competitive eating contest. See, I hate mushy cereal.

If they approach my cereal bowl, Cheerios, Raisin Bran, and Special K can keep on walking…or swimming as the case may be. Kissing cousins to ice cream cones that melt too quickly, these Rice Not-So-Krispies turn into mush upon contact with my 2-percent. Weak links in the breakfast food chain, these pansy-ass thorn flakes have no business calling themselves cereal. Heck, I’d rather eat gruel, Victorian-orphanage style than try to choke down this frosted foam.

Punching is futile as this crap will absorb the massive shock coming its way. Instead, let’s repurpose this stuff as insulation or packing pellets. Eat that, Helloggs.

(Photo: www.dugpa.com/fwwm_deleted_scenes_part4.php)

10 comments:

Flor Larios Art said...

I have to agree...hate mushy cereal :(

accidentalolympian said...

AMEN SISTER.

I've been gawked at for snarfing cereal too fast, but when you're battling soggy cereal, the only choice is to speed eat, or throw it out.

Jeff Orchard said...

I actually prefer soggy cereal. I don't really like crunchy cereal. But what really gets me is this.

Jennifer Worick said...

The fruit stickers do indeed suck ass.

Alexis said...

I still miss King Vitaman!

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

What a wonderful blog! I'll be back!
Darla

Eveline said...

Could not agree more. I eat my muesli with yoghurt because I can't stand it soggy. I add it small scoops at a time, small enough so I can eat it before it gets soggy...

Chris said...

you actually have left cheerios in your bowl long enough for them to get soggy? those are my second-favorite cereal specifically because they delay the sog. they also have a satisfying roasted nut flavor that i prefer in everything from meat to ice cream.

Actually, my FIRST favorite cereal is Trader Joe's Joe's O's. They have the pure sainted taste of cheerios, but you can leave them in the bowl for a full 2 minutes before they even start to lose their crunch. Being a complete pig, I rarely get past 45 seconds. But when the phone rings, I guess I can't have a mouth full of Joe's O's and milk, can I? I can finish a brief conversation and hang up, and my O's will still be firm.

Did you want me to say more?

okay.

Tamara said...

Ah, but you *can* still buy Quisp, and it's made fresh and everything ....

http://www.hometownfavorites.com/Quaker-Quisp-9-oz/productinfo/HFCE110/

beatgoddess said...

Quisp and King Vitaman are BOTH available from Hometown Favorites!

http://www.amazon.com/KING-VITAMIN-CEREAL-10-CT/dp/B0002QF1EW

(This is their Amazon listing. You will see Quisp there, too, but Tamara already posted a perfectly-good Quisp link.)