Tuesday, March 3, 2009

My black thumb

Once again, my black thumb has struck down a seemingly healthy plant in the prime of its doomed life. Less than a week ago, I bought a fragrant purple hyacinth to place in the prosperity corner of my desk (I’ve been knee-deep in feng shui this month). Let me repeat, I bought this flower less than seven days ago. Five days, to be exact. Check out the photo to see what it looks like today. You might not be able to tell but it's leaning WAY over and the blooms are turning brown, shriveling up, and it looks like it's on its death (flower)bed. The irony of it being in my "prosperity" corner is not lost on me, as I scramble to make rent.

Why am I surprised? I kill off all my plants in short order, whether it’s a pot of basil in my windowsill, or a row of cheery flowers in a plot outside my home. A rosemary topiary bit the dust over the holidays. It makes no difference how hardy or fragile the plants are, how much sun or shade they require, how much they need to be watered. I am the gardening grim reaper.

But being the optimist I clearly am, I continue to purchase potted plants. I figure they’ll last slightly longer than cut flowers. I figure wrong.

I’m like effing Rappaccini’s Daughter here. Just breathing on the blooms seems to cause them to shrivel up and die. Perhaps this is a clue as to why I’m single. Maybe I’ve killed off my first dates. Hmmm. Maybe it’s not them; maybe it really is me. Rats.


alisten@mac.com said...

In your defense, I find those hyacinth impossible. Though I, too have the black thumb to end all black thumbs. My mom (big green thumb) tells me that her sister (black thumb) started growing only plants that can grow in water. Love that idea!

Gnuke said...

Perhaps your next career could be as a pirate. Arrrrrg I'm Black Thumb mateeey. Arrrrg don't stare at my parrot he'll peck your eye out. Arrrrg

CarlaCarlaCarlaCarla said...

Dude ... without referring to any website or links, don't hyacinths typically bloom for a week or so, then go dormant til same time next year? This is just off the top of my head though.

Anonymous said...

Try an air fern. It is a dead skeletonized sea critter that looks like a fern and requires only that you ignore it. Seems like your type of 'plant'.

Darcey Howard said...

I keep package of Trader Joe's guac in my freezer for just such occassions. with a slight of the hand my guests will never know that it's not homemade!

CarlaCarlaCarlaCarla said...

It took a minute to sink in that Darcy was commenting on a different post. About the icky avocado. But you realized that immediately.

Frankly, I didn't realize people actually fixed avocado dip at home like that. But then I'm known around here as The Convenience Food Queen.