Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Samoas*

It’s Girl Scout Cookie** season. In other words, I’ve entered the seventh circle of hell. Cheery Girl Scouts camp outside my grocery store, making me feel like a jackass if I don’t buy several boxes of cookies or a fat ass if I do.

I like the concept of GSC. They aren’t that expensive, I’m helping a good cause (that punk girl with the cute freckles and the stage mother, for instance), and it’s tradition. But like many traditions, Girl Scout Cookies perennially disappoint. It may be heresy, but the cookies pretty much suck.

Has anyone else noticed this?

I can deal with the Trefoils (a benign shortbread), but when it comes to Samoas, I just get pissed. Giddy with anticipation, I bite into the classic cookie. With a combination of chocolate, coconut, and caramel, what’s not to like? I can’t put my finger on it exactly but they always, without fail, let me down in a way that a Deluxe Graham or an Oreo or a Chips Ahoy never has. They taste a bit like paraffin.

Maybe if I pulverize these crap-ass cookies, I can transform them into a tasty piecrust. Samoa cheesecake, anyone?

* My friend Kerry says that the only way to go with the Samoa is to pop them in the freezer before popping in your piehole. I might give them another chance because I like second chances (especially when it involves food). That's just how I roll.

** Girl Scout cookies irk Sandra's shit, too. I have to give her a shout-out for this idea. Between her e-mail and Nora having a girl in a green vest knock on her door over the weekend to sell her cookie crack, I had to weigh in on the subject.

9 comments:

alisten@mac.com said...

Freezer is the way to go. And tagalongs rock my world. But I'm with you on the thin mints. Over rated.

Emily Smallwood said...

I thought I was the only one who thought they were disgusting. Thanks for the affirmation!

Anonymous said...

Samoas are awesome, you are not.

Sue Salvatierra said...

they do make a fine crust to a cheesecake particularly if you pull the 'flavors' from the cookie into the cheesecake.....although thin mints make even a better crust....

Juli said...

Thin Mints make me happy. My fat ass is living proof.

Every year I say: "I'm not buying cookies from those girls who hock their wares at the grocery because back in the dark ages when I had to sell those Devil's Treats I had to go door to door in the snow up hills both ways."

Last week I bought three boxes, including Samoas.

Austin said...

You're out of your mind, J Wo. The Samoa is the apotheosis of the Girl Scout Cookie and is said to have been Gauguin's principal inspiration. Maybe your Girl Scout source is giving you the stale ones.

Sara and Randy said...

I'm a new reader here (hope you don't mind), and I gotta say this is the funniest shit I've read in a while.
I also have to agree with the freezer thing for the Samoas/Caramel Delights (did you know they have 2 names?). I hate coconut, but for some reason I can eat a whole frozen box of these things in one sitting. No lie.
Keep up the great blogging!

Ashley said...

I remember back when I was slang'n cookies for the O'l GS that opening a box of Samoas was kinda like kiddy crack for me.

It seems we shall never agree...

Karnak said...

I like Samoas, but in some states they sell Carmel deLites instead. Carmel deLites look just like Samoas, but they have all the fat and sugar replaced with “healthier” ingredients and taste like poo. I have to cross state lines to get real Samoas, and then my co-workers have the audacity to ask me if they can have one of my “Carmel deLights.” Hell no.