Friday, January 7, 2011

Bridesmaids dresses

You can wear it again! Um, yeah, for Halloween!
The color is universally flattering! If you’re from Mars.
The silhouette is slimming! Just like a 4-person tent.
The price is reasonable! If you’re Oprah.

I have to say that I’m pretty lucky. I’ve been a bridesmaid three times and have always managed to dodge the tulle bullet. The first two dresses, while not my taste, were inexpensive and the third I got to pick out myself. Others have not been so lucky.

Most gals I know have been maids to a few brides, women, who prior to becoming engaged, were reasonable, smart, and kind. Then they get a ring on their finger and a veiled and gartered beast is awakened. Taste goes down the toilet, along with any regard for their girlfriends. Who cares that Diane looks dreadful in chartreuse or that Sandy is a little too Rubenesque to pull off a peplum? These friends, if they’re genuine, will damn well stuff their bits and pieces into that sherbet-colored confection and smile until the last note of the chicken dance wafts through the hall!

Karma’s a bitch, and so is the maid of honor’s toast.

What’s the most atrocious bridesmaid’s dress you’ve ever donned?



Heather said...

Pastel purple satin with beaded flowers all up the bodice. Not terrible, but not my idea of a pretty dress...

I'm getting married in three months and my sisters have dodged the bridesmaid atrocity bullet. I told them to just get little black dresses that they like. I feel so benevolent!

Kim said...

Nevermind the hideous dresses ... pity the poor loser in the baby blue tux.

Tara said...

I've been fortunate in this department. I've only been a bridesmaid twice, and both times the dresses were tasteful. However, I can't really find an occasion to wear a cherry-red tea dress with a bow on the waist. Maybe I should turn it into a nice tree skirt for Christmas.

kate said...

Picture brown taffeta, a giant pink sash which morphs into the ever-flattering butt-bow, finished with a vertical pleat at the waist to create the lovely semi-pregnant appearance every girl longs for. Oh yes, and all for the bargain price of $350.

Teresa said...

1978, the hottest summer on record.
No air conditioning in the church. My brother's wedding. Picture a nearly lime green dress with puffed sleeves, with another complete dress of sheer green floral overtop.
Two layers of clothing on a hot, hot day, do not for a happy camper make.

Tara said...

I called you out in my blog post today. Go forth and admire yourself:


Lorraine said...

My worst wasn't a bridesmaid's dress, it was a quince dress. Pepto Bismal pink and fluffy. Thinking about it is making me throw up in my mouth a little.

It's hard to find a dress that will be flattering on all of your bridesmaids. But still, there are some cardinal sins that should just be avoided.

Also, one of my favorite things to say is "punch you/it/whatever in the teeth" so I love your blog because it's like a cousin of this.