Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Don’t sniff it, don’t eyeball it, don’t comment on how it’s plated like a pagoda or a Zen garden, don’t detail the 39 steps it took to make it, don’t start comparing it to the meal you had at El Bulli, and don’t complain about the new chef while alternately giving me his culinary CV.

I don’t want to hear it. I just want to eat it.

I love food as much as the next person. I like food the way Homer likes his doughnuts and burgers and junk food aisle, oh my.

But a food snob I am not. You’ll never find me asking whether my Copper River salmon was gill-netted and bled and dressed on site. I’ll never lift a fiddlehead fern and wax rhapsodic about hunting the zenmai in East Asia during a trip with Anthony Bourdain. I’ll fork that fern and put it where it belongs: my belly.

Don’t put nettle pasta on a pedestal, put it in your piehole. After all, it’s food. You’re supposed to eat it, not dissect it.

Sometimes, I just want to eat a box of mac and cheese, and not the Annie’s kind. And I don’t need you to tell me how to zest it up with Emmentaler cheese and Linguiça. Don’t take the comfort out of my food or I might have to bust out the mandoline and create a new dish of hurt.

(photo: mmonroedesigninspiration.wordpress.com)


WendiWee said...

THANK YOU! Shut your mouth and eat, right?

henny said...


Unknown said...

I so agree! If I hear one more person smugly describe themselves as a foodie I will scream. And don't get me started on foods labelled artesenal.

Camille said...

Wow, maybe some foodie shoved some fancy oysters in your pie hole while you were wanting apple pie ala mode?! I consider myself a lover of food (who doesn't like food?. Someone actually called me a foodie, flung it at me like an insult. But I'm not in your face about it; I just get excited when something tastes so damn good that I'd rather eat that than have sex. I don't describe food in detail. I love to eat well prepared good food. It took me forever to finally learn what the hell an aioli is and sometimes I feel like I'm reading a foreign language when I read a fancy menu. But, damn when the food hits my tongue, I am in pure heaven and it's that moment of bliss that I love.

Camille said...

Oh, and I LOVE Anthony Bourdain. He made me want to give Vietnamese food another try. Green Lead restaurant is just amazing. Maybe I'll visit Vietnam someday, the food is that damn good.

barb said...

I agree - with millions of people in the world starving every day,,it is OBSCENE to go on and on about your quest for the perfect lichee nut. Just shut up, be thankful, and eat what is put in front of you.