Non sequitur nicknames

Hey Dick! Where’d you get such an unfortunate name? Apparently, they were pretty bored in the Middle Ages and sat around rhyming names. Richard was shortened to Rick, which rhymes with works like Hick and Dick.

Ick.

I guess we should be thankful that the Richards of today aren’t answering to “Prick,” unless you're Dick Cheney.

Dick, Meg, Ike, Bitsy, Chuck, Madge, Harry, Jack, Bob, Bill… All these names—aside from seeming wildly Caucasian, or Cauk, which rhymes with Hawk, which would be a totally rad name—derive from a moniker that bears little resemblance to the nickname. And some aren’t even shorter. John is a four-letter, one-syllable word to begin with. Whyyagottabe changing it to Jack?

A lot of parents are cutting to the chase and bypassing potential disparities between Christian names and sobriquets. They are just putting Bob on the birth certificate and calling it a day, which rhymes with Dr. Dre, which I can get behind, because it’s short for Andre, which totally makes sense.

Unlike Dick, which is just plain wrong and happens to rhyme with dong.

(photo: ericgarland.co)