Sunday, June 5, 2011

Non-prescription eyeglasses

Guess what? I’m selfish.

I’m also blind as a bat. I’ve worn -13.5 Coke bottles over my eyes since second grade. Combine these two and it makes me blind with rage when I see hipsters trying to look emo, ironic, brainy, sexy librarianish, or Weezery by donning a pair of frames.

If you don’t need them as your third and fourth eye, if your peepers don’t look like tiny blinking specks or giant dilated saucers behind your lenses, back way from the Oliver Peoples and pass by Pearl Vision.

Buy a hat or get a tattoo, and let me have this.



Shieldmaiden96 said...

I used to work with a girl who did this. She thought it made her look smarter and dissuaded people from staring at her boobs. Of course, if her boobs were tucked away in something work-appropriate she would probably have needed fewer deflection-accessories, but who am I to blow against the wind.

Susie Q said...

My oldest niece does this...haven knows she can use all the help she can get and oh dear God..she's going to be a teacher!