Friday, February 25, 2011

One Size Fits All

I was recently in my favorite boutique trying on January clearance items, namely sweaters. So a “helpful” salesgirl the size of my pinky put a black cami in the dressing room to wear underneath some of the items with plunging V-necks.

One Size Fits All.

Uh huh. More like “One Size Fits Small.” The manufacturer left off a couple of letters and they left off a couple of inches of fabric. My boobs were bandaged tighter than Gwyneth’s in Shakespeare in Love.

On the other hand, some OSFA garments are like those thneeds from The Lorax, shapeless whatsits that swallow you up and are as flattering as wearing a Truffula tree.

Let’s implement a new rule, mmkay? If there’s a closure of any sort, there needs to be a few different size choices. In other words, unless you’re pushing Snuggies and shawls, you’d best give me more than a tourniquet-sized option, or I’m going to give you a reason to need a real tourniquet.

I’m all for egalitarianism, but it doesn’t apply to clothing.



Share said...

Didn't you know that OSFA has a caveat in small print that says, "except you."

Unknown said...

I bought a scarf last year that was like 4 feet long. The label said "One size fits most". I'd be curious to meet the person whose neck is too fat for a 4 foot long scarf...

Cheryl said...

omg...too funny

Lorraine said...

Yeah, even Snuggies and scarves are a pain to someone just clearing the five foot mark. Like thigh high boots? Vadge boots for me. Etc.

OSFA doesn't exist, yo.