Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Vanity plates

Personalized license plates are NOTSOGR8 in my book. In fact, IH8EM. The vehicular equivalent of the tattoo, what sort of 6 or 8-letter phrase are you going to slap on your SUV’s ass to define yourself? Seinfeld’s ASSMAN is ASSIN9, in my humble opinion. A lot of the plates are pretentious and blowhardian in nature (0-60IN4 or WISHURME), some—clearly owned by Stifler’s peeps—are downright grody (8 ER OUT? Really, Illinois? Really?). There’s a ginormous motor home sporting “GLBL WMR” which should really say “I M PRBLM”. Some unoriginal chuckleheads are using online acronyms—if you are ROTFL, who’s driving the car? I’m not rolling on the floor, dude. I’m right behind you, willing myself not to rear-end you in hopes of denting your metal tramp stamp.

My friends in Delaware will pay upwards of five figures for one of the rare black low-numbered plates. They view it as an investment and a status symbol. This sort of boggles my mind, especially when they tell me how much the single digit plates go for (the number “6” plate went for $675,000 in 2008). What kind of vehicle deserves to host that sort of marquee plate? Is there a place for it on Air Force 1’s vertical stabilizer?

I suppose a vanity plate is a way to show off without shelling out buttloads of clams. There is one plate that I can get behind, both on and off the road. A hearse’s plate that reads “U R NEXT.” Yep, buddy, you are. Because I M GUNIN 4U.

If you were forced to get a vanity plate, what would it be?

(photo: coolpl8z.com)

17 comments:

PrettyThings said...

If I were forced to get a vanity plate it would read "H8MYSLF." Because I would if I had a vanity plate.

Sue (Vintage Rescue) said...

I despise vanity plates. Thanks for exposing these egomaniacs.

Regblogger said...

UP51ART from http://regfinder.net ..
Love the article tho.
Mind if I put it on our blog????
http://www.regblogger.blogspot.com

Cheers

Rob

Julianna Cannon said...

Hilarious post. That being said I am a vanity plate afficionado. It was XPRTMXR while I bartended my way through college. I am a lampwork and jewelry artist so nowadays my plate reads GLASGRL. Remind me not to run into your fist with my face.

RiAnge Creations. Ltd. said...

I have a vanity plate: BRKHSE.
Angela

Jewels Diva® said...

I don't mind them as long as they're clever.

But why would ANYONE want a plate that says IFARTED?????????????????

phoebe marie said...

i've seen ONE vanity plate in all my life that i didn't hate - and it was on my now-husband's old 1956 buick the night we first met. it read "RD 2 RUIN" which is the name of a ramones record, and he used to be in a ramones cover band of the same name. maybe it's just cause i love the ramones. maybe it's the nostalgia factor, it being a memory from our first meeting. maybe it was just that that car was so badass. but i loved the RD 2 RUIN plate. the buick is long gone, but the plates still hang on the wall of our dining room.

那ㄟ安呢 said...

GOOD........................................

Michaela said...

URADHERE

Yet Another Steve said...

I once saw a Rolls with a plate that said GREED and had to admit I liked that. A few years back, I mentioned that a friend's wife was looking for something "cute" for her plates. A lady who was present, and who was also the ex-girlfriend of the husband of the woman seeking the plates, counted rapidly on her fingers and then said "CRZY CNT." I didn't pass that along, although it would have been pretty accurate.

Christine's Arts said...

Many times I saw this plate on the way to work that read R3VOVOOM. Couldn't figure it out until he got behind me and I read MOOV OVER in the rear view mirror.

PandA said...

I'd have to say GBLDGUK would be mine. I have seem KTYWMPS and I loved that one.

I also know a guy (a family attorney) whose is PREENUP... now those ones really bug me, and anything else like GREED, KSSMYAS, or MOVOVER. But alas, here in California, there's no escaping it. Those plates are everywhere.

kk said...

worse than vanity plates - the prosthetic testicles that uber-rednecks attached to the hitch of their pick-up trucks. UGH Id like to punch them in the face and follow it with a knee to their fake balls. its THE worst

Jennifer Worick said...

Wow. I have never seen those. Clearly, I'm not looking at redneck pickups...

Kathleen McKenna Murphy said...

funny post...I have one, ARTQLT...trying to single-handedly change the worlds perception of quilts.

DaddyGregor said...

LOL goodness, this is. Only acceptable one I've ever seen: New Jersey plate that said "FAA QUE"...

Don't get it? Say it out loud but sloooooooowwwwwwwly. ;-)

Gale said...

I have one on my antique motorcycle; W84ME. I drive slow and it seemed appropriate.