True story: Dave Matthews walked into our neighborhood coffee shop with his kid. As I was pouring cream into my Americano, I asked him what her name was.
In his Dave Matthewsey way, he muttered, “He’s a boy.” Then he kindly added, “He is wearing sort of a girly hoodie.” It was lavender. As I commented on how evolved his son was, I was thinking that it wasn’t the hoodie that confused me. It was his long hair.
August—that’s his name—had silky blond locks. They weren’t Ryder Robinson long but they were mos def in need of a haircut.
I understand the need to keep your little one a baby as long as possible. However, babies don’t have hair long enough to dust their playrooms. Most don’t have any hair at all. Maybe you were wishing for a girl. Maybe you really, really like Bo Bice. Whatever the case, this look is not making the cut. It drives me as crazy as Gymboree on a Saturday morning.
Set your kid on a path to proper grooming and gender identity, and chop his mop. Otherwise, I might have to crash into you or send some fire ants marching on your ass.