Your windsock stays on my mind. In fact, it’s burned into my retina. I’ve tried to consider the lilies of the field, really I have, but I can’t. Because your giant rainbow windsock is spoiling, spinning, and polluting my view.
I already knew you were a Notre Dame fan, thanks to the bumper sticker, license plate frame, and leprechaun antenna ball on your PT Snoozer. I don’t need to be reminded of your misguided love, because frankly, I could care less. And like your unfathomable affection for the Fightin’ Irish, I also don’t give a rat’s ass about your penchant for pirates, whales, or snowmen. Why do you feel the need to clog up your yard, porch, stoop, or front door with these garbage bags?
Do you keep your seasonal or themed windsocks in the garage next to the extra lawn gnomes, gazing balls, and inflatable snow globes? Since your windsocks are most likely flame-retardant, I think the best way to clean house is to sew these polyester air condoms together, fill them with helium, and create a hot-air balloon that can transport these back to hell, or at least to the local landfill.