Thursday, November 12, 2009

Fennel

I didn’t like black licorice when my grandpa offered it to me those many years ago, I don’t fancy ouzo, pastis and absinthe as much as I long to be a sophisticated broad abroad, and I don’t like fennel in my food now or anytime soon.

I don’t want to be an herb hater, I really don’t, so I recently gave it a another go. Like I do every now and again with cole slaw and endive, I thought I’d give it a second chance. I thought that maybe my palate had changed, maybe I’d suddenly develop an affinity for anise flavor. Yeah, no. Chewing on a fennel seed just made me want to wash my mouth out with coriander. Fennel may taste like anise, but it also tastes like ass.

Tom’s of Maine makes a fennel toothpaste, which must really fly off the shelves. Why doesn’t dude and his hippie helpers just make some scat or guano toothpaste while they're at it? Brushing my teeth with the very flavor I’m trying to scrub out of my mouth seems a bit absurd, even to me.

I’m going to take my mortar and pestle to this nasty piece of work and crush it completely before chucking it in the dustbin. Finally, a way to stomach fennel without it leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

(Photo: australherbs.com.au)

11 comments:

Chickens in the Basement said...

Vert funny! Who does like fennel? I grabbed some calamari from a fish counter quite a few years ago. They had a spice marinade. I didn't ask. The sign didn't say. Fennel! My trash can ate well that night, too!

DG Strong said...

But...but...but! Fennel seed tastes completely different from lovely lovely fennel bulbs, which when roasted aren't licorice-y at all. Plus I cannot get on board with any punching of Pernod.

SkitzoLeezra said...

Italian sausage usually has that nasty anise flavor, too! Yuck!

Junket said...

Toothpaste? You've gotta be kidding me!

Chris said...

i can't stand fennel and i can't stand anise. i don't care whether it's in a candy or not, that licorice flavor sucks, period.

Karnak said...

I remember having pizza at a restaurant that “everyone” loved, and my pizza tasted really weird. The whole thing tasted like black licorice, and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it because I ordered cheese pizza. The cheese was fine, the crust was fine, but the sauce was nasty. It must have had fennel in it. Thank you for helping me solve that mystery!

Karnak said...

I remember having pizza at a restaurant that “everyone” loved, and my pizza tasted really weird. The whole thing tasted like black licorice, and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it because I ordered cheese pizza. The cheese was fine, the crust was fine, but the sauce was nasty. It must have had fennel in it. Thank you for helping me solve that mystery!

Melissa said...

I feel like fennel and cilantro are opposite flavors. Does anyone else agree? It seems to me that people I know who love cilantro hate fennel and vice versa. Let me know what you think.

Camille said...

Ummm...I put a shitload of fennel in the turkey we ate for Thanksgiving. Sorry!

J Franklin said...

Fennel/Anise is one of those flavors in cuisine I don't understand. Very much like green Bell pepper. The thing is fennel, anise, Bell pepper flavors do not [i] blend [/i] with other flavors in a dish. Nope, instead they stand out like that girl with purple hair at a funeral. I prefer dishes where all flavors blend and play off of one another. I find these outlier flavors distract me from what is really going on in a dish. They typically don't need to be there at all - not a single person in the world would miss them in a well prepared and designed dish. I think they are faddish and over used to the point of Monty Python silliness.

PS - red, yellow and orange Bell pepper don't not fall into this category. Their flavors are milder and actually help to elevate foods. Their green cousin is just evil, particularly when used raw in anything.

Sara Susanne said...

I second Melissa's comment. Love cilantro, hate fennel. Very funny article!