Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Chai

Is it tea? Is it coffee? Is it just plain woo woo pretentious? What the fuck are you, chai?

If you’re not living in or touring India, chances are you are drinking a powdered version of this spiced milk tea, or even a bastardized chai/coffee hybrid. For instance, I just discovered that a dirty chai doesn’t involve extra olive juice, but a shot of espresso. Uh...

But it’s not just the chai itself. It’s the knobs who drink it. Somehow sipping on this strange brew, these exotic creatures feel enlightened and superior, much like I imagine Tom Cruise and his Scientology cronies feel after a good L. Ron Hubbard jamboree. Doctoring up their chai with a dollop of soy milk and a soup├žon of cardamom, these wannabe Siddharthas eat, pray, and love throwing the stinkeye at my mocha choca latte and silently judging, all the while saying crap like “namaste, my friend” to my face while reaching for their heart center.

I want to punch these nirvana in a coffee cup-seeking sultans of swill in their third eye, until they're blind.

(I must admit that I do love this DIY chai recipe, if only for the illustration).

(photo: bodhileaftrading.com)

16 comments:

Teecycle Tim said...

I don't drink it anymore, but chai was my gateway drug to coffee.

DG Strong said...

It seems like something I would fall for but it grosses me out every time I see it. But not as much as that bubble tea business.

Jennifer Worick said...

Tim, I can see it as a training wheel drink, much like my wussy iced lattes have been. DG, I am with you. Bubble tea's bubble must be burst.

priti.lisa said...

Jennifer, I honestly don't see how a mocha-choco-latte drinker can punch a person drinking an age-old beverage. Just because Starbucks jumped on the Chai band wagon, doesn't mean the drink is new age-y.
Not that there is anything wrong with peace and love, or black coffee.
Namaste, Lisa

Yet Another Steve said...

It's true, that bubble-tea stuff is so creepy I'm thinking of giving out little cups of it to the trick-or-treaters this year, and telling them it's fish eyes. Which, for all I know, it might well be.

Chris said...

I feel terrible about the fact that like like chai, but I will defend myself by saying I hardly ever drink it. I don't think I've had any this year. But I am completely with you about the pretentiousness of the stuff! It's like people who go on cleansing diets! These things do not one thing better than anything else does for you, but for some reason, you feel superior?! Stop it!

zephkeyes said...
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zephkeyes said...
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zephkeyes said...

Went thru your recipe, and as an Indian who lives on the stuff, i'm appalled! vanilla????? The simplest way to do it, as in most Indian homes, is dump a few tea leaves into a pot of boiling water with honey/sugar and a coupla spices (generally ginger/cardamom), and let it boil. Then, some milk (actual measurements are for wusses) and boil again. Strain and drink hot! Whoever heard of cold chai!?! seriously.. it's that simple.. good luck

Ps. Chai is the Hindi word for tea.. so, in India, chai IS tea :)

The Knitting Sommelier said...

Just love your writing! You are soooooo funny. I am personally an espresso drinker (of course, from Europe...), and the rest I consider...crap.

(P.S. My book just came out on the 20th...)

Brass Monkey Designs said...

But but but... Chai tea is so delicious!!! Can't I be exempt from being a Siddartha-wannabe since I started drinking it before Starbucks made it "cool" and if I promise that I have never said "namaste" to anyone in my life?

brand-eye said...

you are cracking me up. i found your blog through a google search of directions to make pajama pants. great job and keep them coming.
although i do like chai...

Daniel said...

uh, chai is tea, nothing more than tea with spices, milk, and sugar.. why is that so odd?

NikkiK said...

ugh, a friend of mine tried to get me to drink the stuff sold in stores in the boxes - it was sooo sweetened my teeth are cringing just thinking of it. seriously, who needs that much sugar?

Titanium said...

One word: espresso.

Straight up, preferably brewed with a Handpresso on the side of a mountain far from other humans, in its natural, dark, rich state with just a spot of crema on top.

Drinking any beverage to 'see or be seen' drinking said beverage is tasteless and bovine.

What? Have you never seen cows watching each other drink at a trough?

S said...

Chai is good - but not the kind sold at Starbucks.