Friday, October 23, 2009

Celebrity fashion lines

Lindsay Lohan recently collaborated with Ungaro for a train wreck of a fashion show. Why would a venerable Paris fashion house trust its reputation and scissors to a girl whose nickname is “Firecrotch?” She certainly hasn’t set the world on fire with her style, which lately has involved a lot of leggings. They weren’t a good idea in the 80s and they aren’t now.

But LiLo isn’t the only celeb I have a beef with. I pretty much loathe every actress or singer who thinks that, because she got a thumbs-up on the red carpet from the TV Guide Channel, she should develop a clothing line. Hilary Duff and Lauren Conrad (who sort of went to school for fashion) have had lines at Kohl’s. Amanda Bynes had one at the now-defunct Steve & Barry’s. These chicks are hardly out of their teens and yet they are dictating style to middle America middle-schoolers.

Of course it’s easy for a celebutard to look good but it doesn’t mean that they should start designing sequined leotards or introducing a line of hair extensions. Plus, by and large, they aren’t designing a single sorry thing. They just lend their name and favorite color and, poof, poop is being shipped to Wal-Mart.

Like the dude in The Crucible said, in the end, all you have is your reputation and your name. Well, these rag hags will go to the grave knowing they exploited children in Southeast Asia, expended the world’s resources and for what? Snagged, damaged thneeds that are going to wind up at Goodwill next to collection of abandoned Cosby sweaters.

In a word, Firebotch.

6 comments:

LEPTicon said...

I am not so sure that these children in southeast asia would be happier in the rice paddies.

Yet Another Steve said...

But we know they'd be happier in the rice paddies if they were wearing Lindsay's heart-shaped sequined pasties. From the job in the paddies to a glamorous night out, without even having to change! (Note: in the sweatshops, the workday doesn't end at sunset, so there are no glamorous nights out.)

Sayschnicklefritz said...

Go tell it on the mountain, sister! Celebrity fashion lines are depressing and embarrassing. Celebs and their work are supposed to help me escape from the doldrums of my life, not cringe.

SkitzoLeezra said...

Dearest Jennifer,
I think you may be shooting yourself in the foot by ranting about celeb fashion lines. As a semi-irregular commenter on celebrities, YOU TOO, could be eligible for a "Things I Want to Punch in the Face" show at Bryant Park. Far fetched, you say? NAY! Fat fuck and fashion retard Perez Hilton debuted HIS line at Hot Topic so you should expect a call from the fashion star makers soon!
LINK to Perez story
http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2008/06/no_one_wants_perez_hiltons_clo_1.html

Cannot WAIT to receive my invitation to your debut party and wonder what will be in the TIWTPINF goodie bag? A cold steak to apply to my newly blackened eye, Trish McEvoy undereye concealer, brass knuckles, ironic chai tea samples, a man cave how-to book?
Please share your fashion must haves!! We are waiting like baby birds - hungry for your worms of fashion sustenance.

Karnak said...

I'd rather wear a Cosby sweater than sequins-covered leggings any day.

CarlaCarlaCarlaCarla said...

The cheesiest set of links in one blog post ever. WTG Jen!