Saturday, December 4, 2010

Lactose intolerants in denial

This anything-but-cheesey post comes from my brilliant and hilarious friend Karrie Kohlhaas (she's the force behind ThoughShot Consulting, in case you need any small-business consulting). I love it almost as much as I love cheese. Urp.

Your dairy air is dangerous. I know, you loooove ice cream and cottage cheese, but lactose transforms your insides into a Dr. Seussian smell factory. It's time to get real about your digestion, honey. Can't you feel the pressure against your abdominal wall as gasses mushroom and multiply within the twisting tubes of your inner world?

Don't you wonder why people steer clear of you?

Here's a clue: It's awkward to feel compelled to casually cover one's nose and mouth with the top of one's shirt when sharing a seat on the bus or standing behind you in line at the grocery store. This is not a personal health issue; you are an environmental hazard. Enzymes: get some, before the EPA classifies you as a SuperFund Project.



Matt Lawrence said...

I especially like the tags: body, food, people, smells. Yup, that just about covers it.

Liz said...

hahaha...I got a big kick out of this! (as I do all your posts) I have a coworker who is lactose intolerant but eats cheese or some sort of food with cheese (cheesesteaks, pizza, quesadillas, ahh...the list goes on) EVERYDAY. ...and EVERYDAY they are writhing in pain afterwards or running to the bathroom. So funny!