Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Curling iron burns

I’ve always wanted what I can’t have, and this certainly applies to my hair texture.

It started when I was 13. After an unfortunate attempt to rock a Dorothy Hamill wedge, I turned to the perm. In a word, oy. To amp up the foxy, I got a barrel curling iron to roll my bangs into a totally rad forehead awning…which I needed to cover up the burns I got every month or so from standing too close to the fire.

I eventually turned away from the 80s and curly hair and longed for stick-straight hair.

Enter the flat iron. Now, I smooth my locks and tamp down my cowlicks. In the process, I manage to regularly sear my skin, branding myself a dumbass. I currently have a mark on my neck that looks like Bill Compton has been snacking on my carotid artery. Call me crazy, but grown-ass women shouldn’t have vampire hickeys. Since I’m not going to embrace my natural beauty any time soon, Conair needs to invent an iron that doesn’t leave a mark of lame. In the meantime, I'm growing my hair out so I should be able to cover my cattle brand.



Shieldmaiden96 said...

Most of my burns ended up on the crown of my head. I got up at o'dark thirty every morning of high school to curl every strand of my hair and shellac it with Aqua Net. I settled for Jersey Big Hair after giving up on ever having Jennifer Grey's hair in either Dirty Dancing OR Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I had ONE FRIEND with that perfectly curly hair. Even my mom coveted it. (An aside: My mom had the Dorothy Hamill wedge for years. My sister and i actually sat her down and had a Wedge Intervention.)

Rhonda said...

About a year ago, I scratched my head absent-mindedly and my hand came back with some crazy gunk on it. After being thoroughly grossed out, I eventually remembered that I had steam-burned my head with my flat iron a few days previous. I suppose it was a scab, but wow. Yuck.

Petra said...

Speaking of "branding" and "dumbass"... Back when I was in high school, I sat on mine. Took forever to heal. Ah, memories.

L.J. Diva said...


That looks like it hurt!

SkitzoLeezra said...

It might just be your flat iron technique because I've used hot implements of hair torture for over 30 years and have NEVER scarred myself like that wound you're sporting.
Now, ask me about 1997's ta-ta burn when I dropped a hot curling iron on to a dangerously gaping robe and you'll hear a sad story about my missed opportunity to appear on the Mardi Gras session of Girls Gone Wild. Somehow bandaged boobage didn't make the cut.

And yes, before you ask, no lasting scars. (It itched like a mo' fo' while healing.)

Suzanne said...

ROTFLMAO i just found your blog and i love you already. totally funny stuff and true too! i have a 4 incher (burn) on my back. when i told my husband i burned myself with an iron he told he to "stop trying to curl your back hairs" LOL

Annie said...

Oooh the painful memories... happened to me on the side of my face once in high school. Was not a happy camper!